Spectrum of Darkness

Moons go by and suns pass back and forth while I search for progress

 I look for a change, I fight for an answer,

 something to explain the illusion of permanent night. 
I find smalls drip of light at the end of a child's smile
A sort of solace in their innocence and unconditional want to give. 
But I also find the nightmares left behind make there way to the back of mind, weighing down the pit of my soul like a ton of bricks.
Awaking in vain screaming in terror, chasing away the gripping possibility that im somehow getting used to this.

One too many one-night-stands with bitter contempt

and not enough quality time with my diffusing reflection.

I'm not bothered  by laying down beside loneliness 
Or my attachment to the spiritual leech, he keeps me safe from the dangers of desire, of passion and pinnacles. 
It seems like every time the sky cries

I walk around for weeks with the residue on my shoes 
And then it leaves clouds from its pack 

to hang low and linger over my roof, 

to keep my peace burden-bound and tear jerked

taking volume from the sound making absence of the truth

then there are days trapped in a haze where I just don't know who I am,
The person I was when I went to sleep 
And the person I woke up as are not who 
I'm supposed to be.
Yesterday there was sunshine 
Hope blooming from the corner of the walls 

and from under the rug even a spark of cheer.
But I rose to desolation and dysfunction, silence, confusion and corruption

and life has a monstrous taste for fear. 
I can't pass through this segment of heavy hollow black and onto the next 
even though im so sure its green I can almost taste it!
but no one took the time,
Never looked up from their occupational routine of existence,
Not to bid me two words unless I was high
or give my looks thought unless I was naked 
So yes
I chose residing in hiding, 

to join the herd of the nameless

and watch my 20 years go completely wasted.