The Door

In search of his pug, a scrawny young boy has followed the trail, only to chance upon a dark yet alluring black door.

"Edgar, where are youu?" Felix cooed softly as he searched for his mischievous pug. 

The sun began to leave the horizon and shadows lengthened. 

Leaves began to dance playfully with the wind.

A bent lamp post stood alone on the street as it flickers on..

With a swift flick, he took note of the time on his screen-cracked phone as Felix dropped a message to his dad that he's searching for Edgar, again. 

Around the corner of his eyes, he saw a tiny and familiar figure darting away. 

"Oi, Edgar!"  Felix snarled and began chase. Boy, how is Edgar so fast? He didn't have his dinner yet.. 

He could see Edgar clearly now. It's over now Edgar, Felix thought to himself. 

As Felix rushed towards his cute pug, he stopped in his tracks. A dark door appeared in front of his brown eyes and slammed into his face.

He died.

The End.  

Author's Note

I would like to have some feedback please

Reviews

[ASandyRabbit]

I'm not sure if you want any specific feedback or not. I think you have a good story, but maybe breaking up the mini-paragraph beginning with, "The sun began to leave..." and ending with "As it flickers on.." throughout the story?

For example, you could have:
"
The sun began to leave the horizon and shadows lengthened.
Leaves began to dance playfully with the wind.

With a swift flick, he took note of the time on his screen-cracked phone as Felix dropped a message to his dad that he's searching for Edgar, again.

Around the corner of his eyes, he saw a tiny and familiar figure darting away.

A bent lamp post stood alone on the street as it flickers on..
"

Also, I'm personally a big fan of location and knowing where things are to make a mental picture of it. Maybe have more descriptions of where the trees the leaves are dancing on are relative to Felix?

At the end when the dark door appears in front of his eyes, I'm not totally sure how to take that. Did it actually magically appear in front of him, or was he just running around and stopped at a dark door? Or is it a metaphorical dark door representing the death of his pug? I like the idea, but I think it could be worded in a clearer manner.

Not to hugbox, but I think the story is pretty well done. It build suspense well, and the ending leaves the reader going, "Oh. That was unexpected. I don't know the literary term for that, but it's fun. I'd like to read more!