HandsomeA Poem by Lucas JayA poem about body image and runningI sit on the floor; lean forward Letting muscle and tendons
stretch I stand pulling one foot
towards my a*s Hold, count to ten, then the
other I place my foot against the
wall My calf tightens; I bite down
on my lip I lock my apartment put my
headphones in And press play
I have always wanted to be
handsome To be more than what this
face allows To walk into a room and see
heads Turn and jaws drop, the kind
of guy Every girl wants to be
friends with And every guy wants on his
arm
After seven minutes I have reached My fist mile, my pace is
faster than normal For the first time in weeks
my legs feel good The music keeps my feet
pumping I will run further, I will
lose more I will be better than when I
left
I would give every poem I
have written To have abs of steel instead
of the Cushion that has crept from
my stomach What does that say about the
society We live in? F**k, what does that say About me? That I have sat in my high chair And let over the people spoon
feed me Their idea of beauty and
masculinity I can wear confidence like a
cheap suit No matter how well it fits
the fabric Like my body; will always be
second rate
Around three miles a bead of
sweat Runs down my cheek, splashes
on The corner of my mouth; it is
salty My shirt is drenched and my
mouth thirsty My pace has increased because
the voices In my head keep getting
louder My mind goes blank
Mile six and my thighs burn
with the intensity Of a volcano, my ankles are
melting My entire body is screaming From the inside out to stop But nobody wants me I am not handsome enough So I keep running I must push through the pain I must torture my body until
it resembles More of a machine than a man Every cell slows I feel
pavement scrape skin Blackout
I have counted calories, tried
the Atkins regime Drank protein shakes and
pumped my Veins full of steroids been
to rehab and back I have let my finger touch
the back of my throat Tasted breakfast twice, Left dinner in the toilet; Pushed lunch around with a
fork Like I actually tasted something
The sun wakes me from forced
sleep Take a couple deep breathes
and keep going I want so badly to not let my
body Determine my self-worth, I feel guilty over my slowed
pace Mile ten I am back home, I
unlock the door Stretch my aching muscles Drink a glass of water for
dinner Go to bed hungry; the truth
is, No matter how many times I
fall I will never be healed © 2012 Lucas Jay |
StatsAuthorLucas JayLa Crosse, WIAboutI started writing in 2007 as a means to perform on stage and was able to find my voice. I have started to write some for page and am really enjoying discovering a new side of my writing. Currently, .. more..Writing
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