Chapter 38 –“Lock it (love) up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness.

Two days later, streamers hang along the back of the amphitheater for the semi-annual graduation. The student decoration committee strung Christmas lights along the trees. The soft white lights gain strength as the late summer sun sets over the high mountains. A warm breeze tosses instrumental music from speakers in the trees. Mario is the only student I know on the graduation list. He’ll get his diploma and tower-guard uniform in tonight’s ceremony. In the last few days, I learned more about him than any other person in The Center.

He’d become my friend. My first real friend.  

Family members of fifty graduating students arrive that afternoon in two luxury buses. No need for a snowcat on the dry July day. Earlier, visitors roamed the facility, encouraged to donate to The Center. Tours of buildings. Art and science presentations. Visits to the observation towers. All part of keeping The Center alive. A strange pride rises in me, like I felt about my school in San Diego. That strange connection to colors and a mascot.

I sit in the top row on the far left of the natural benches that stepped down toward the stage. Dee Dee signals to me to come join her and dreadlocks girl. That wasn’t going to happen. No way I could change that much that fast.  

“Hi.” Mario squeezes though the descending crowd toward me. Next to him stands a short, bearded man. “I’d like you to meet my father. Papi, this is Courtney Manchester.”

“Thomas Rodriquez.” He holds out his small hand. “Nice to meet you.” As he grips my fingers, I see the flicker of recognition. “Did you say Manchester? Any relation to US Senator John Manchester?”

“Papi, you’re not here to network.”

“No, no you’re right.” The older man lets go of my hand.

“It’s nice to meet you.” I point my smile at Mr. Rodriquez, then nod and wink. Any other day I would have been quick to brag, but this night isn’t about me.

“Walk down with us.”

“Oh no.” I shake my head. “I like it better up here.”

“You don’t have to stay, there’s someone I want you to meet.”

How could I refuse? Mr. Rodriquez offers me his elbow. We take two long strides to move down each wide amphitheater step. Voices mingle louder near the bottom. Some of the visitors scan the crowd like spectators at a zoo. One guy looks away when I catch him staring at my Bracelet. To my surprise I don’t react.

“Courtney, this is my mother.” A tall, dark woman with the same nose as Mario stands up. She nods her head without speaking. I nod back. She looks uncomfortable.

I rub my baby bump while Mario wraps his arm around the shoulder of a petite girl who looks to be about ten. “And this is my sister, Laila.”

“Hello.” She smiles at me from just the left side of her mouth. The other side remains frozen. The sincerity in her eyes reminds me of a much younger child. I didn’t know the full extent of her disability. But, I can see why Mario needs the crutch of a Savior. If I would have destroyed Kat like this I’d need religion too. The child is kind and beautiful and everything a person should be. “Nice to meet you,” Laila slurs.

“You too.” I accept the hug she gives me. While her body appears fragile, her hug pinches me tight. I choke back my reaction. This wasn’t supposed to be an emotional evening, but Mario’s family dynamic stirs a hope in me. The majority of my relatives wouldn’t take my call, let alone celebrate my release. Not that I had to worry about that for a while.

I unwrap myself from the affectionate child. “I’d better get back to my seat. Nice to meet you all.” I wave good bye and hurry back up to the shadows. I don’t want the emotion building up in me to spill. I nod at a couple of other inmates as I ascend the amphitheater, not really seeing them clearly.

Back in my place, I bite my lip and inhale through my nose. It’s good. It’s all good. A soft breeze cools the evening air. Thoughts of my sister slip into my head and to my surprise they don’t sting. A butterfly kick comes from my baby and I rub back. My sister never stole my father’s love. She wasn’t to blame. And while I’m very sure I don’t need God, the faith of Mario and Nanny Bella no longer appears so stupid.

“Hello.” The dean of students taps on the microphone. “If everyone would settle down, we’re ready to begin.” Side conversations slow. Behind me a couple of kids keep talking. I lean forward in my seat to hear better, but the voices continue to distract me.

“Knock it off.” The words come from behind my left shoulder.

“Shhh.”

“She can’t hear me.”

“How do you know?”

“She would have turned around, dummy.”

Blood warms my cheeks. I continue staring down at the stage trying to appear relaxed. I couldn’t look back now. Curiosity is a funny thing. I should turn and wave, but I want to hear what someone besides Dee Dee and dreadlocks might say about me.

“What did you bring?”

“Toilet paper.”

“Gross.” The second voice laughs. “I love it. A wad of wet paper on the cheeks of those suck-ups.”

I wring my hands. They aren’t talking about me at all. From their continued discussion, I realize they plan on messing up the graduation. Pulling a prank. While I normally wouldn’t care what a few idiots do with a roll of toilet paper, tonight I do. This is Mario’s night. Not just a graduation, but a new beginning with his family. I don’t want anyone messing with it.

But what can I do? Part of me wants to jump into the bushes and out the brats. Of course the guards would zap first and ask questions later. I finger The Bracelet on my wrist.  I could let it go. The tower guards are bound to see the dots on the map. Of course they could think we’re just three dots sitting on the last row of the amphitheater. I have a strong desire to call them out. And an equally strong desire to stay out of it. Jackson or Rowena is sure to come around. It’s stupid to worry. Besides it’s not my job. Not my problem.

Or is it?          

“Tonight we welcome both friends and family.” The dean claps his hands, a signal for the inmates to applaud as well. The creeps in the bushes make a little more noise.

“Did you make the slingshot?”

“I made two.”

The crowd settles down. So do the kids behind me. The nerves in my gut tingle all the way to my toes. I don’t like this. I have a friend down there. Besides, I’ve come to realize how much I need this place. Pride for The Center wasn’t something I expected, but I feel it anyway. These two idiots would humiliate the whole school with their stupid joke.

“Before we announce our graduates, we’d like to invite Mario Rodriquez to the microphone.”

I freeze for a moment. I had no idea he’d been chosen to speak. Students across the amphitheater whoop as Mario takes the mike.

“That’s the guy.” One of the kids behind me growls.

“Mario?”

“Yeah.”

“But I like… ” The second voice stops mid-sentence. I hold my breath wishing I could see these two boys.

“You don’t like anything I don’t like.”

“Ow.” The second kid whimpers.

The first voice came to my ear hard. “I hate that dirty Mexican pig. You got that? HATE HIM.” I could hear the kids teeth clench with the last two words. These boys weren’t going to punk the graduation. They plan on humiliating Mario.

Up on stage, my friend blushes at the audience reaction. “I’d like to introduce myself. You already know my name, but what you don’t know is that I spent five years in a federal prison. When I first got her I wasn’t sure what a hard-core inmate could gain from camping out in the woods.” The crowd laughs. “Now I can tell you in three words: a new life.”

The bushes rustle behind me.

“Are you ready?”

Either my lunch or the baby gives me a kick. I can’t let them continue. This is Mario’s night. In fact, this night belongs to fifty other graduates and their families as well. I get up and stand beside the bush without looking to see who’s there. These idiots can’t think I’m on to them. I can only hope my movement causes them to hesitate long enough for me to get help.

I search the crowd for guards. Fifteen feet on my right, Rowena stands at attention. On my left over fifty feet away, Jackson leans against a tree. Fifty feet or so past him, two others chat quietly to each other. How can everyone but Rowena be so relaxed? It’s their job to stay alert. Make sure nothing bad happens. I could go into the bush myself, but getting tasered in front of this crowd would still ruin Mario’s night.  

I count to ten and walk up to Rowena.

“Return to your seat, Courtney.” Her face stays stern.

“But.” I stop. Why her? Anyone else but her.

“Return to your seat, Courtney.” Her demand is quiet but firm.

I struggle for words. I knew she could help, but I truly didn’t want her to help me. My stomach recoils every time we are in the same location. Urgh.

“Now.” She turns and points toward the wooden bench I’d left.

“I need to tell you something.”

“After the ceremony.”

“Fine.” I give up. If she’s not willing to save Mario, I will. I clomp over to the bush and kick into it as Rowena watches.

“Hey.” One of the creeps inside screams.

“What are you doing?” Rowena rushes toward me as one of the jerks makes a run for it.  I look toward the stage, glad to see that only a few people near me have turned around. When they see the guards have everything under control. They return their attention to Mario.

Rowena’s grip pushes bruises into my upper arm. But I don’t care. Jackson chases the escapee while the other two guards grab the idiot from the bush and drag us away from the party.

I’ll get my last mark.

I’ll go to The Bunker.

None of that matters to me right now. As long as Mario’s night ends well. The blaze of Christmas lights fade as we are hauled away. Daniel’s scriptural condemnation had kept me awake at night. Not just his words, everyone else’s, too. They all have an opinion, a direction for my life. Dr. Maggie and Rowena and Jackson even Nanny Bella. Tonight a soft breeze touches my face and I discover I have an opinion of my own.

A thrill tingles through my veins, a feeling of satisfaction. Wings begin to unfurl on the back of this ugly worm. For the first time in my life, I did something sacrificial and it feels fantastic.