Food

A personal account of my anorexia.

Food

It is my worst struggle

It scares me

What do I do

I am in need of help

What can I do

What can I say

I don't know

Who can I talk to

I don't know

How do I start

Am I fat?

Must I lose weight?

Am I starving myself?

I dream of taking a knife and cutting off all of the fat?

Do I exercise in secret?

Do I try to make myself throw up?

I can't tell anyone

This is a secret

That no one may know

But I need to tell someone

So who

Not my mom

Not my friends

Not my family

So who

I need to get it out, I can't stop

So I tell …

…

…

…

Who

I know

Wait I can't

Someone needs to know

But who

I can't bring myself to tell anyone

I feel fat

I think I have an eating disorder

I am sad

But not a sad that goes away

It is stuck

I want it gone

I will fight it

It takes all my energy

And so I give up

I hide in my closet

And think

And count

1

2

Skip

4

5

6

7

8

9

10

11

12

Skip

14

15

16

Repeat

It goes on and on

A never ending cycle

You don't understand

You never can

I don't

Ever

I count everything

I have eleven fingers

And eleven toes

Two eyes

Two ears

And a nose