Back Again

I don't really want to wreck it by saying "what is about" . It's me. It's in there and its not comfortable.

It's back again

That heavy heavy feeling 

That I hoped would end

Its only left me reeling

And the more I push the more it clings

When I'm caught up I feel nothing 
else

My longing is a sickness that I wish that I could shake

But when I feel it fading I reach right out and take it back again

It promises that this is what I need

Like the need to cut just to feel and watch me bleed

I'm a bleeder in a world if sharp edges

Out here on the ledge is where I feel

alive

Take me in your arms and tell me that its perfect and you'll never leave

Sit close and warm so I can simply hear you breathe

To drown in the illusion, unwittingly colluding with my twisted aching heart

When living with the lie I only want to believe 

Panic's my companion the dread of yet abandon

A complex web well woven to deceive

 

 It's back again

That heavy heavy feeling 

That I hoped would end

Its only left me reeling

And the more I push the more it pulls

An empty well that I can't begin to fill

Not you

Half hearted asking that the obsession be relieved

But clinging to the hope that all you do is think of me

I imagine that I know just what you feel , disease is sure to promise that all this is so very real

You're every move is scrutinized , the constant chatter needs to criticize  that 

Everything I think is false

Please don't hate me now, now  that I imagine that you see me for the man that I revile

So hard to not reach out and grab and scream please love me now

Now and forever

Sit close to me and tell me that its all OK

That this is real and perfect and you're here to stay 

Let me sit with you by the fire and drown in silent desire

As you dream of worlds that have nothing to do with me. 

It's back again

That heavy heavy feeling 

That I wish would end

But Its only left me reeling

The most desperate of pains

An aching in my veins

That numbs me so

It's back again

That heavy heavy feeling 

That I hoped would end

Its only left me reeling

And the more I push the more it clings

When I'm caught up I feel nothing 
else

Author's Note

be gentle it is my first post !

Reviews

[Tree]

This is potent. They either can put their hands on you, and heal you. Or break you in half, with their "take backs." But you have the power to heal yourself, I think. Poetry and song is a start.
The repettion, that chorus of pain. I felt that. When you read something this open, this sincere and real, how could you not? Don't have to give any details, wreck it as you say. Let the reader, take it from here.

I liked this.

[lrebel]

Diego-

Thanks very much for reading this and your words. I appreciate your time and input. It (this feeling) is current and changing moment by moment.It is nice to once in a while be able to catch a feeling and snapshot it in words. Or oft times a painting. I wonder what this one would paint out like?

[Tree]

That link, are those your paintings? If they are they are impressive. I'll have to take a closer look.

Be well, Ire

[lrebel]

Diego- Good afternoon. Yes-sir those are my paintings, or some of them. Thanks once again for the compliment. I have not updated that link in a while but that is quite a few of them. They morph as time goes on. I like creating things from scratch. Hear a couple words together, a sketch at my desk while on the phone etc. and when the discomfort rears up is when I try and create a something. And that sounds pretentious. I haven't a clue about anything I do. I do it and occasionally I like one of those somethings. A lot of it is s**t. But its MY s**t right? I'm giong to delve into more of your work shortly. Thanks for your time Diego !

[thoughtsofforgotten]

Well, i don't know where to begin. I honestly didn't expect anything going into this, but as I further in my reading of the poem, i liked it more and more. I adore that you had that part repeat. Really, I am looking forward to your next.

[lrebel]

Thank you thoughtsofforgotten for taking your time to comment. I am grateful that you spent time with it and a review.