Angels in the dark

Introduction of a second species, belonging to the dark planet.

Devoid of any true light source, one would imagine this planet would have perished long ago. One would imagine that no complex form of life would thrive in its abysmal waters. 

No life on its vast desert lands, coated with slippery rock and sterile ground, from which no vegetation grows. It is a cold planet. It never rains, never storms.

An epitome of stillness, devoid of change and time. Just space, apparently empty. Apparently dead. 

One would assume no form of complex life could have developed here. Then again, one does not know the Universe that well.

Usually, just as a network of spirits starts to glow, there is movement in the dark. A predator of light approaches. 

Spindly limbs carry a humanoid creature over the slimy rocks. Its big feet always land lopsided on the surface because of thick talons, which it uses to grab and secure its body to cliffs and pinnacles. 

Its flesh appears bluish white, a sickly color. Lanky arms dwindle next to its body. A neck so frail, you would wonder how it supports a rather large bald skull.

This creature is blind. Its face is a smooth surface, with no eye sockets and no nose. The only dent is its mouth. Just a line. It stretches like a smile, from one nonexistent ear to another. 

When the mouth opens, an abyss with no teeth is revealed. An opening which almost splits its head in two. 

From a hunched back protrudes a bony spine and, to either side, what could pass for fine branches with withering leaves.

The branches are arches and the withering leaves, graying feathers, hanging from the old wings o an angel.

The planet is not dead. It is dying. The life source for all these immaterial beings is weakening. It is a thinning current of vital energy which is running out.

Any beacon of spirits, is a flaring lighthouse, signaling a feast for these predators of the dark.

They fly over empty planes, mountains and low valleys looking for these beacons which light up the permanent night. 

Angels have very limited territories. Pieces of land scattered over vast oceans, which angels dare not hunt. The waters belong to other predators, that own the depths.

The inherent blindness and deafness means that angels detect their prey in a very different manner.  

They are part of a natural system, slightly detached from what we understand. Angels scan the land with an "inner eye", a mental scan that detects sources of light, condensed energy. Like spirit lights in the middle of the dark. 

The landscape shapes itself perfectly in their visual consciousness, as a contrast of solidity against the insubstantial surface of water and the vast empty sky. A world mapped by scanning information as: "light", "no-light", "full-space" and "empty-space". 

So when an angel flies around a solid mountain, and it detects a cluster of bluish-white light, it "sees" diamonds on the surface.

Spirits are not easy to catch. Their clusters are an intelligent network, communicating. Some are alert to movement, keeping on a radar. The same used by their predators. It sends a signal around the area. If movement bounces back, they scatter. 

A spirit on feeding ground cannot dim down and hide. As they charge they are still active beacons of energy, pulsing as the energy is processed. Usually they burrow in the porous rocks, or in the sand, in cracks in the ground. 

After the angel lands, scraping the surface with its talons, it crawls over to hunt stable, less brilliant spirits. 

The angel's hand is bony, with long fingers, peaking with longer nails. That is how it picks at the holes and crevices. 

Threatened spirits flicker and hum with light. The overcharged ones tend to build up energy, which is released in a shocking pulse. It immobilizes the predator long enough to flee, but they lose that discharged energy. The weak which cannot discharge are easy prey.

The angel picks at the orifices, reaching in close enough to pull the light out. This pull is magnetic, thus binding the spirit to the angel. 

The bulb of flickering blue and white light, now hovers over the pale, open palm of the predator. 

With the other hand it prepares to pierce through to the nucleus with surgical precision. The nail conducts decay, breaking the spirit in two. 

The angel doesn't want the spirit. It wants the life it has stored inside. The bulb explodes, and that fine line on the angel's skull breaks open, revealing a massive black hole, swallowing up any energy expelled from the extinguishing spirit. 

Once all the life has been sucked in, the angel's mouth is closed and the spirit is vaporized.

These creatures are still in their infancy, unable to hold power and store it. They need to "feed" somewhat frequently, in order to maintain the an active existence. Otherwise they dimmer and their potential is dispirited, ultimately extinguished. 

The scarcity of energy has frozen the planet in a stagnant stage of evolution, dwindling towards disappearance. 

It will not take long, in the eyes of the Universe, to see the lights on this dark plateau die and, ultimately, surrender to eternal night.

Reviews

[Wolfwind]

A fascinating read. I enjoyed your discriptions and the modes of life that you have painted upon this distant dark planet.
I find that your story has two effects, it one, offers the reader a glimpse into a possible future, as well as it dazzles us with the imagination of strange and never seen places.

Great Ink!
Wolfwind

[Alma W. Reis]

I'm glad you enjoyed it. Your conclusions are interesting, because the text is part of a concept project. It is an image of a past which will link to a present and a possible future.

[S. D. Forogar]

Not too much in the way of content, but I think there's enough for me to make a few general statements of Good and Bad, so here they are!

The GOOD: The "mysterious" nature of the piece, and its remarkably-similar yet alien feel, as both add power and intrigue to the story. Both aspects were well-done, and I was particularly interested in the angels themselves and how it is they've adapted to this dying world. I feel quite invested in learning more about this story as it goes along.

As well, the detail and descriptive work imparted were of high quality, and should be praised.

The BAD: There are a lot of grammatical errors riddled throughout this piece, particularly through the improper use of punctuation (commas being infamous examples). It makes the piece look rather amateur in comparison to what it could be, and in instances difficult to read. A comma is usually used to give pause to an idea, to allow the Reader to "breathe" as she / he continues along the sentence. Underuse makes the piece a cluttered mess, while overuse (in this case, the latter applies) breaks sentences up far too much for a natural Flow to be achieved. A couple of examples are below, followed by these sentences edited:

"Devoid of any true light source, one would imagine, this planet would have perished, long ago." Ch-2, Par. 1, Sent. 1.

TO:

"Devoid of any true light source, one might imagine this planet to have perished long ago." Ch-2, Par. 1, Sent. 1.

"No life on its vast desert lands, coated with slippery rock and sterile ground, from which no vegetation grows." Ch-2, Par. 2, Sent. 1.

TO:

"No life resides about its vast, barren lands, those coated with slippery rock and sterile ground from which no vegetation grows." Ch-2, Par. 2, Sent. 1.

"From a hunched back, pops out a bony spine and, what could very well be two fine branches with withering leaves." Ch-2, Par. 10 full.

TO:

"From a hunched back protrudes a bony spine and, to either side, what could pass for fine branches laden with withering leaves." Ch-2, Par. 10 full.

Should the author read each sentence aloud, first hers / his and then those I've revised, she / he may see what it is I meant above by "taking a breath before continuing." The imagery is excellent, merely the delivery is not adequate.

Any other criticism I have to offer may be nit-picking, and since there's not a great deal of content for me to work with, I don't feel I should "attack" concepts I am at present unable to discover.

I'd like to give my opinion in conclusion, but I'm not sure if it's founded appropriately or not. With unusual stories like the above, I am loathe to really conclude an opinion, because I simply feel that not enough has been written just yet. I will say that it was alluring, and intrigues me for more, but I can only (truly) judge this story by where its author takes it.

[Alma W. Reis]

Thank you, I have taken in some of your edits. This text has been bothering me in some aspects, I will be reediting soon, but for not just some changes you mentioned. Thanks.