and everything else

third in a series

Jesus Christ, I was a lonely girl

doing something I should not

with those I don't believe

If I make it through this--it’ll be a miracle

But I 

Decide… who I ought to be

If I had known how things had gone

maybe I’d have chosen what went wrong

on purpose, just to see how I'd react

instead, what actually happened is what I expect

One-time friends tell me that I am losing my excuses to my enemies:

Virgins and ghost stories that haven't been touched, except by me

Jesus Christ, I'm alone again

looking at my face and wondering about death

gripping the blade until I forget it's wet

A face with scars, it's my name on them all

But I

Decide… how I ought to look

If only I had a sense of giving up

I might save myself… I'd still love myself

I wish I could have died in the crib

instead of dealing with the s**t I live

Parents tell me that they're worried I am losing control, but I never had any;

Every day I'm still awake is a memory I'll bury deep, forever asleep

Jesus Christ…

I wish I could have some time alone

put together the pieces of my home

but I'd get scared by all the noises unheard;

Do you think we could work it out sometime

so I know it's you, so I won't even try

I have a wooden heart, I have some broken legs

I walk backwards until I am back in the egg

...safe from harm

Author's Note

This is the third in a series of poems that are inspired by the album "The Devil And God Are Raging Inside Me", by Brand New. It is one of my favorites, and it has a lot of personal worth to me. That album has helped me get through so much. These obviously pale in comparison, but they are meant as just a way to express myself and to be inspired by the music. I hope you all adore them!

<3 <3 Love, Sofia Guerra