HOPE..

I've tied together the threads of our love, just so I can hang those memories like crippled mistletoes living within the shadows of a lost kiss..
Broken promises that limp beneath the taste of our last wish, spoken with a poisoned breath that lays above the buds of my tongue like a fog clinging to a spiders web..
The same way a blind man sees light through the tips of his fingers, or a seas glass finding color within darkness.. I will close my eyes and watch these bruises you've hung upon my soul dance across the shorelines of doubt like skipping rocks, until they find light again beneath the belly of an oceans stone..

Reviews

[sohadtolba]

I love the style very much and the metaphors are amazing... I can totally relate to this as I am living this situation nowadays ...... As if you have spoken my heart and my sorrow..........

[Chris D.]

I'm glad I tapped into your heart but it saddens me deeply that my creation is your reality.. Thanks for your kind words and I truly pray your pain eases my friend!!

[sohadtolba]

Thank you so much for your prayers, I really do need some :)

[aprilrayne]

I absolutely love your style. I haven't read anything in a long time that I have enjoyed so much as this. The flow, the pace, the vocabulary blends perfectly. Great work.

[Chris D.]

WOW!! Your words are tap dancing upon my heart like drunken leprechauns, thanks for being my golden coin of the day!!

[~]

a love that the speaker does not want to see it get lost.. i absolutely love your similes, they are perfectly fitting the theme of the poem.
very passionate and resilient!

[Chris D.]

Wow moonskittles, just like those stones you made my heart skip a beat!! Thanks for spicing up the start of my day, you're the best..:)

[Jamestown]

Fantastic write, great imagery and word play!
The message of hope is always a good one,
Thanks for sharing and b-blessed!

[Chris D.]

Well Jamestown you are too kind my friend and I will check out some of your work tomorrow.. Thanks so much for taking the time!!!!

[E.L.C.]

I love your use of language and how you play with words. But have you thought about re-structuring how this poem? I feel that some of the power behind of your words is lost with how it is arranged. This is simply a suggestion, but consider how this reads in comparison:

I've tied together the threads of our love,
just so I can hang those memories
like crippled mistletoes, living
within the shadows of a lost kiss..

Broken promises that limp
beneath the taste of our last wish,
spoken with a poisoned breath,
that lays above the buds of my tongue
like a fog clinging to a spiders web...

The same way a blind man sees light
through the tips of his fingers,
or a seas glass, finding
color within darkness...

I will close my eyes and watch
these bruises you've hung upon my soul
dance across the shorelines of doubt
like skipping rocks, until they find light again
beneath the belly of an oceans stone...


This is just a suggestion, just something to consider. Otherwise, great piece of writing.

[Chris D.]

Wow, thanks!! I'm kinda new at this and I do struggle with structuring things in poem form so I can't thank you enough for taking the time my friend.. I'm going to use your advice as my newest tool and look forward to putting it to use.. You're the best!!

[E.L.C.]

Your welcome and I am glad my suggestion was helpful. Let me know if you have any other piece you would like reviewed.

[Tinotenda Nyevedzanai]

" spoken with a poisoned breath that lays above the buds of my tongue like a fog clinging to a spiders web.. "

- This is an excellent sentence I love the imagery however I think it would read better without the "a" before "fog". e.g. "like fog clung to a spiders web..."

It's only a suggestion I tripped up over my tongue reading that bit but I am dyslexic so it could just be that.

"shorelines of doubt like skipping rocks, until they find light again beneath the belly of an oceans stone.."

- Again here I think the comma is unnecessary I was so captivated and clinging to your descriptions that when I was paused it broke my imagery a little.

Overall a very poetic and beautiful prose I really enjoyed it thank you for sharing

[Chris D.]

You've made me take another look at this piece and and I believe you're right about the way I structure my thoughts.. You're very wise my friend and have added strength to my day..:) thanks so much for taking the time it means a lot to me!!