Suck it up

I do not own the song, Brantley Gilbert does.

Throughout the night things continued to get more heated between Luke and I. The kisses got more passionate, and we made our way back towards the bedroom. Luke pushed me roughly up against the wall as he started kissing and licking on my neck. I moaned and laced my fingers through his hair. He smirked against my neck and then bit down playfully. Shivers got sent down my spine and his hands went to the waistband of my pj bottoms.

Then it hit me. Issy what the hell are you doing, you can’t just go all mega w***e on us here. One little kiss just started this. You can’t let this get to far.

“Luke”

“Yeah babe?”

“You have to stop it. We can’t do this yet I’m not ready and I don’t want to rush things.” I said and bit down on my lower lip waiting for him to say something back.

He took a step back and looked me in the eyes.

"Okay love, we won’t, not until you’re ready but I have to go and take care of this bulge.”

I looked right back into his eyes and he stroked my cheek gently, I leaned in to his touch and smiled faintly.

“Okay, I’m going to go lie in bed and wait for you to get done okay?”

He nodded and headed off towards the bathroom. I lied on the bed for a minute and closed my eyes just waiting for him to get back. I slowly got lost in my thoughts. The consumed me, drowning me.

I breathed in deeply and pulled a little bit of covers over my chest. Tonight was it, I was going to leave on the first plane that I could. But not until Luke was asleep, I couldn’t leave while he was still awake it would be too heartbreaking to see him break. At least if I went while he was sleeping I wouldn’t have to see the pain on his face.

The weight on the bed shifted and Luke came crawling back into bed pulling me against him. I cuddled his chest gently and just enjoyed being in the comfort of his arms. I enjoyed being safe just for a little while, feeling loved. I knew that it wouldn’t last long. In just a few hours, once he fell asleep I was leaving. I wouldn’t look back.

Luke stroked my cheek gently and moved a loose curl from my cheek. I smiled softly and I cuddled his chest gently closing my eyes.

“Tired love?” Luke whispered

I nodded slowly and started to close my eyes trying to make this convincing.

“Let’s go to bed then baby girl.” Luke said.

I closed my eyes and soon Luke was falling fast asleep.

I sighed and just stayed in the comfort of his arms for a couple more minutes. Wanting to savor this last moment together, quietly I leaned up and kissed his lips gently.

I got out of bed slowly and started pulling on warm clothes I had stashed and grabbed the backup items I had here, my passport, money, I-pod. Things that I couldn’t have my mother getting, soon enough I was ready to go.

I reached over and stroked his sleeping cheek gently and smiled faintly before reaching down and kissing him a final time and whispering against his lips in a strained voice, “Good bye Luke, you have to understand this is for your own good.”

I slipped out of the house as quick as I could trying to be as silent as possible and then ran down the stairs dragging my suitcase filled with a few small things behind me. I was taking the stairs two by two and quickly rushed off down to the sidewalk.

I signaled a cab to stop and I got inside.

“Where to?” the young cabbie asked in a cheerful voice.

“Air-port please. And please try to step on it the flight is going to leave soon.”

The man nodded and took off down the road; it was about a 30 minute drive to the airport. I laid my head back against the seat and closed my eyes for a minute.

I guess I must have dozed off because about ten minutes later the guy shook me gently and smiled a small smile, miss, we are here. I nodded and paid the guy and thanked him for the ride and then rushed inside of the airport.

The place was booming with people that were unexpected for a time of night like this you would expect that the airport would be empty. Whatever, I just needed to get out of here.
I walked up to the clerk at the desk and handed her some money and my passport. “I need to get on the first plane to Italy.”

She nodded and handed me a ticket and I picked up my bag from the luggage and ran quickly to the plane and took my seat. I sighed and stretched out in the seat pulling out my I-pod and shoving the buds in my ears turning the music up full blast.

The first song that came into the blasting ear buds was the song that he had introduced me to, at first I didn’t understand why he showed this particular song to me, but It grew on me.

She says
"Look baby I'm a rock star"
Grabs my old guitar
Playin' it upside down
Dancin' around
In front of our tv

I can't see the ballgame
So I just wave my lighter and say
Yeah, rock on baby
I'd rather watch you anyway

But when you're done
Can I come backstage
And get you to sign your name
On that zeppelin shirt of mine you're wearin'
I'll never wash that thing again

Yeah and she's my kinda crazy
The little games she plays
Lord they'll never get old
She's too cute to get on my last nerve
The way she throws her little fits

Pokin' out her lip and bitin' mine when we kiss
There ain't a fight that she can't win
That's my baby
And she's my kinda crazy

You ought to see her in my pickup
She's gotta have that radio up
Bless her heart, she can't sit still
Head in my lap, bare feet on the windshield
Says, C'mon baby let me drive

Now honey it's a stick shift
Remember what you did last time
Oh...

She never let's me rest
She keeps me up all night
Known to roll me off the bed
And steal the covers off my side

But I hear, "Wake up sleepy head"
And I open up my eyes
And it's all worth the while

That's my baby
And she's my kinda crazy

By the time that the song was over I was bawling silently in my seat. The plane was in mid air and there was no turning back now. I knew that.

I was drowning in the thoughts of him. Why had I let myself kiss him? I knew that I was leaving soon, I knew that this would happen. Ugh. More tears flooded down my cheeks and I couldn’t stop crying. Soon I was crying so hard I was choking on the silent sobs, the breath caught in my lungs. You know when you get really upset and you cry so hard it feels like you can’t breathe? Well that’s what was happening to me. I couldn’t breathe.

Why had I been so stupid, I shouldn’t have even gone back to his house, now I was drowning in my own regret. It was for the better. I kept assuring myself.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked over to see an elderly woman sitting next to me, I yanked the earbuds out of my ears and turned to face her.

“Honey, I heard you crying all the way in the back of the plane.”

I apologized and looked back away from her.

“Sorry, I hadn’t realized that I had been crying that loud.”

She smiled a soft reassuring smile and then nodded,

“Boyfriend issues?”

“No, and please, not to be rude but I’d prefer to be alone.”

The old woman nodded and then looked me in the eyes for a moment.

“Remember, we all stumble, every one of us.” The old woman said and then she was gone back to her seat.

I shrugged it off and sunk back down into the seat with the earbuds blasting and soon I fell back asleep.

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