Prologue

girl meet a wonder man who shows her the pain and pleasure of sexual intercourse

What was I going to do? I have never had sex and I know that's what he was looking for. My heart starts to pound in my chest as he pulls in my drive way.
Is this really happening? What the f**k do I do? How do you start a conversation with 'hey guess what? I'm a virgin'? Take a deep breath Sally. Don't let this over come you with fear. It is normal to be extremely nervous right?
A knock on the door and all I could do was stare. He knocked again, but this time I walked to the door slowly and opened to see him standing there.
"Hey" was all he said and i just melted at the sight of him. Adian Heart was hot and a complete gentlmen, he was perfect in all ways. "Are you going to let me in?" looking at me with a  concerned look that tied with a smile across his face

This is when I knew it was it was going to be an interesting day with him.

Author's Note

starting something for knew erotic. easier to write when horny and laughing my fucking ass off all the way!

Reviews

[Chris]

A really short chapter, but it's a good start. There's a nice hook from the get-go, which is really important, as you want to draw in the reader right at the start of anything you write. The chapter's ending is equally as good; the last line prods me into reading further. It was easy to feel Sally's nervousness, too.

If you're looking to improve this, one thing to consider is adding a little more detail. What is she doing when he pulls in the driveway? Is she sitting in her living room? Is she staring out the window? Is she doing the hokey pokey? Knowing this will help create a picture. Also, how old is she? Does she live by herself? If not, then where are her parents or whoever it is that she lives with?

This is written in the narration: "Adian was one of the most hottest guys...I have ever met." From this, the reader can gather that Adian is hot, or at least to the narrator, but what exactly does he look like? Does he have short blond hair? Long black hair? Is he bald? What color are his eyes? What's his build like? Character descriptions are *especially* important in erotica and romance, as the reader needs to have a good picture of what the characters look like.

Of course, some of this information may be brought up in the next chapter, and if so, I apologize. However, it is a good idea to include the protagonist's age in the first few paragraphs of the story. Like my fiction writing professor said, that kind of information is important to know, so it isn't something that should be buried way into the story. It's rather surprising to learn that you were reading about a young adult all along when you thought the character was well into his or her thirties, for example, and knowing a character's age helps to shape our perception on them and their actions.

With that said, it might not be a bad idea to include the description of a character's appearance when they first appear in the story either, even if it means gradually introducing more detail on what he or she looks like as the plot progresses.

Also, watch out about switching between tenses. Remember, writing needs to be in either past or present tense, not both.

Just some things to consider. :) Otherwise, it was a good start to the story, and rather enjoyable to read.

[Steve Ryman]

But don't get so horny that you cant write...plus the fact it would be a waste of good horniness!!!!!

[Steve Ryman]

Looking good!!