You set a fire in me

You set a fire in me

A Poem by Veronica Staehle
"

heat and heart.

"

© 2016 Veronica Staehle


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Reviews

No caution signs, no sounding alarms and no danger exits when love sets us on fire. You write with unique style...:)...............

Posted 8 Years Ago


details refined-
love that line.

Painting the picture vividly of the flame while maintaining the metaphor of this encounter in a short span is impressive. Very well done.

Posted 8 Years Ago


I enjoyed the poem energy and the drive of the words. Good to be driven by the fire of need and passion. I like the strong description leading to perfect ending. All of us need a bonfire to make us mad with the emotion of need and love. Thank you Veronica for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

Posted 8 Years Ago


Passionate fire flame. Very seductive

Posted 8 Years Ago


Nice piece.... I loved it

Posted 8 Years Ago


This is more what I mean. I can feel the heat of this. There are a few places where I think you could tighten up the writing.

I walk in slow and nervous steps
petrified of heat I swagger and drag

You self-reference twice in this couplet. How about:

in slow and nervous steps
petrified of heat I swagger and drag

A couple of lines later, I don't know why you begin with "Soon, ..."

Later again, you unnecessarily self-reference:

I'm supplied with nothing left to guard me.

I think you could either make it:

there is nothing left to guard me

Better still (I don't like using "there is"), put a comma after "propriety," and then:

nothing left to guard me.

I would strike "begin" from the third to last line - "I emit orange and blue flashes." Then "A bonfire burns tonight-", again avoiding "There is."

Your can do what you will with my suggestions. It is very good as it stands. Your style in some ways is close to my own, but better in some ways. I don't do as well in creating atmosphere sometimes.

Well done.

Posted 8 Years Ago



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386 Views
6 Reviews
Rating
Added on February 12, 2016
Last Updated on February 12, 2016
Tags: poem, fire, heat, lust, love, excitement, melting, salty

Author

Veronica Staehle
Veronica Staehle

New York, NY



About
Private personal writer; creative writing, poetry, and documenting. blog: www.loveronica.com portfolio: www.veronicastaehle.co more..

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