sweetheart

when the times of joy blur with my times of tears 

i know you will be there to wipe away all my fears. . .

when everything becomes too much

i know you'll be there:

my crutch

 

my life :

my center of all this strife
i know with you i will be safe
no reason to burn and take

from me the only thing

that doesnt sting

 

my numbness more than i can handle

no more: i cant seem to change the channel

listening to sad songs

my heart with such a longing

unrhymed words to describe my feelings
im tired of you : all these killings
knives through my heart
i should've turned away in the start

because now here i am
becoming nothing as i stand

and listen to you

about something i was supossed to do

no more can i look into your beautiful eyes
it is almost worse than listening to you lies
i can't stand here anymore next to you
because if i do i want be able to say :

it is through

Author's Note

tears stream down my face through this shatered pace of a poem this is raw not meant to flow nor make sense it is just . . . emotion it is just . . . me

Reviews

[harman kour]

hey i agree with Delphine I too feel that this poem somehow doesn't manage to touch my heart and maybe that's because of the bland imagery... but i m sure you can work that out in your poems yet to come :)

[loverly9316]

thanks . . . . i have a long way to go though before i have a really good writing technique

[deadly healer]

actually i liked it. i dont look at grammar mistakes or anything like that except the format and it was very different than most of the poems iv read.

[Delphine]

Considering you don't want me to comment on neither the flow nor the rhythm, there isn't much to say.

The only thing I have a problem with - and I think I said this on another poem of yours that I reviewed - is that your imagery is very...dull, bland. You're not painting scenes in our head that are necessary for the audience to be able to feel raw emotion. Rather than telling us of something, tell us what is is. For instance you say 'my crutch' - but what exactly is a crutch to you? Is it someone that you can turn to on rainy days? Is it someone who will catch you when you fall?

Apart from that, this poem is fine. Just work on your imagery.