. . . unnamed

everyday passes by me

and i laugh right beside you

i wish my real feelings you could see

instead of the facade that i show you

 

proud enough to not let it show

that being alone is rough

i wish you could just know

that my love for you is tough

 

 

it may be over

and done with

 so it's my turn to take cover

and falsely believe love is a myth

 

i may be alone

but i know i'll live

the light in me i have not shown

to you i have no more to give

Author's Note

ok so this is the first poem i have wrote by demand i think it took me five minutes so its not too good . . . oh yeah any name suggestions?

Reviews

[Merry-Jane]

Well, then. I think it is a pretty good poem for a five minute write.

You started out pretty well so that the reader gets an idea of what's going on. However, it's a lot of feeling, rather than imagery. But the feeling works well with it, you could add to it to make it more strong by placing in imagery.

[Delphine]

As poetry, I don't like this poem, but as lyrics, I do like it. It reads more like lyrics. The imagery is stunted, and rather than painting a scene so that we can interpret feelings ourselves, you're just painting feelings that overwhelm the reader. This can be considered good and bad, but personally, I think it's good.

I don't have anything else to say except that. Well done.

[Delphine]

Oddly enough, I like this poem. I say 'oddly' because, admittedly, the theme is cliché, but you appear to handle the actual writing well. A tip I have for you is: improve the overall imagery. Filler words do nothing if you can't paint a scene in the audience's head.