The night we walked the city

Three months of spending
time with you;
That’s all it took.
Three months of late night conversations,
Laughing so hard we can’t breathe,
endless jokes and innuendos,
Is all it took for me to fall
In love with you.
So as I sit on my stool at the bar and gaze at you as you stand right here beside me;
I can’t help but lean over and give your cheek the most delicate
Of kisses.
Your face lights up with a smile
and your cheeks turn a light shade of red,
Something they often do
especially when you catch me staring up at you in such awe and;
you try to hide it as you say
“Stooop iiit.”
But the shine in your eyes gives away the love and adoration I know you’re feeling;
And I feel myself falling in love with you all over again just as I did
that night
we walked the city.

Reviews

[Kibbles and Quips]

Hello, hello!

I always enjoy stumbling upon a piece about this sort of purity and love; and you have brought it out quite well. However, I do believe the work would benefit from a bit more brevity and tightening of your language.

These opening lines could be their own stanza, by the way, as the thought starts and finishes within them (but they're rather fatty and could use a trimming):

"Three months of spending
time with you;
That’s all it took.
Three months of late night conversations,
Laughing so hard we can’t breathe,
endless jokes and innuendos,
Is all it took for me to fall
In love with you."

Now, in these lines there is much to tighten. For example, don't say, "Three months of spending time with you." Just say, "Three months with you."
"Of spending time" is a long winded redundancy of "with," and gets in the way of your message.

But, about the highlight as a whole, much in the these lines can be compressed, and, realistically, omitted. The first three are unnecessary as it is stated in the subsequent lines. "Laughing so hard we can't breathe" is rather passive and a bit long-winded/awkward (and "can't" should be "couldn't" and "so", in this case, is a variant of "very" and "really" and should always be avoided). "Breathless laughter" would be more fitting here, especially because you are listing off what the three month period consisted of.


I won't continue to go through the rest of the piece about this, but, mainly, remember: much more often than not, brevity is best, especially in poetry.

Additionally, check your verbs and make sure you are using the most apt and evocative ones you can.
Don't just "give your cheek the most delicate of kisses," apply some imagery with the verbs and say "peck your cheek with the most delicate of kisses."
Don't say, "lights up," say, "beams." And when you are using any verb, be sure to watch out for gerunds; they're passive and weak. Don't say "But the shine in your eyes gives away the love and adoration I know you're feeling." Say, "But the glitter in your eyes professes the love you feel." You could probably find a better verb than "feel," too. But, the point is, make sure your verbs are strong and evocative.

Anywho, that's all I got to say about that. Thanks for sharing! Keep on writing! I look forward to more!