Too Close

Four brothers

caught in battle

Four brothers

treated like cattle

Three brothers

one left alone

Three brothers

one turned to stone

Two Brothers 

one for the devil

Two brothers

one with the evil

One brother

the others call

One brother

to find them all

Reviews

[Rynn]

"Four brothers
caught in battle
Four brothers
treated like cattle" - I already love the direction of this already, the repetition and the tone has been set really early on, which drew me in.

"Three brothers
one left alone
Three brothers
one turned to stone" - the rhyme scheme works well here, and I love the effortlessness of the insinuations that go with these lines.

"Two Brothers
one for the devil
Two brothers
one with the evil" - Very good flow! The shortness of lines here gave me a sense of urgency.

"One brother
the others call
One brother
to find them all" - the ending is really great, I think this would make for an excellent short story! I am left with questions that had me reading it over again to try and answer them.

Overall - very well done. You had me thinking beyond the words on the screen, and imagining what could have happened to these brothers, it played out really nice in my head. Thank you for the excellent read! Write on.

-Rynn

[Dreaded Reset]

thank you so much! i've actually gotten into watching teenage mutant ninja turtles, and i thought, why not make a poem about it! thank you so much for the comment! i'm glad you enjoyed it!

~Tiger

[Giulia King]

Amazing poem! I agree with Sam. "One brother
to find them all" sounds like lord of the rings

[Nanaki]

I like this, its flows nicely and is quite catchy.
ill let you know if I start reciting it tomorrow at work when Im walking down the road

[Sammie Sanchez]

at the end i thought it sounded like the l.o.t.r. XD but actually, its a really good poem

[Dreaded Reset]

what's l.o.t.r?

~Tiger

[Sammie Sanchez]

lord of the rings

[Dreaded Reset]

ohhhh, ok, i was confused because i've never seen Lord of the Rings. thanks for the info!
read moreohhhh, ok, i was confused because i've never seen Lord of the Rings. thanks for the info!

~Tiger

[Miles W.]

A very interesting read. A good flow of words that slowly degraded overtime to reflect the story elements. Well done!

[Rebecca Church]

Honestly this is a good little poem, shows the horribleness of battle, and how it can separate family. It leaves you imagining a brother trying to find them all before it is too late. Good poem dearie.

[Najam Us Saher]

A good poem which shows that the brothers are concerned for each other. This poem reminds me of a poem Three little kittens 😀