Strength Above Else

On change, and how it doesn't always have to be a bad thing.

Iridescent and looming

Change

Making my mouth contort into words horrifyingly unlike me

I try to run away while tripping over my own two feet

But like a shadow

It’s always, frustratingly, there

Maybe if I tiptoe

It would be as if I was never here
I could finally get a glimpse

Of sunlight

Pure sunlight

A chance to breathe again

Away from the darkness which already consumed my friends

Away from a shrieking tragedy, begging to enter

An aftertaste

Away from this monster whose taking my life by the limbs and shaking it furiously

Like a play-thing

I’m unable to wear my crown

The cold envelopes my shaking body, sneaking up on me like the tendrils of early smoke

Taunting me

“You can’t hide anymore, we’re coming for you.”

WIth any remaining strength

I turn towards a dimming light in the hearth

A blossom of a memory

A piece of a younger me

One more naive

But in a flash, it’s gone

Like it was never really there

Were they merely echoes or projections of unparalleled strength?

Then
My heart is shattered glass

Everything turns cold and lonely

Then I’m forced to look

Up

I meet the glacier-blue eyes which strike chords in my mind

Penetrating my every. last. thought.

An unwanted gaze of a black, apathetic, beast

Then in a split second, just a split second

Everything hurts

When I’m forced by this unknown creature

To look inside me

And meddle with a few things.

That contort- everything twists and turns

A tremendous fist

Reaches for my soul

The foundation of everything I am

The fist goes right back and adds everything I will be and-

And-

I’m absolutely terrified of this weakness

But then-

But then if everything is doomed, why is everything clearing up
And sunlight piercing through-

Sunlight everywhere

I look at my hands and I feel renewed

I look back and forth, trying to find the beast that had earlier come

But-
But there was no trace of it

Vanished

Like it was never really there

There’s a gentle breeze caressing me, just within reach

My heart skips a beat

Ever so slowly, I open my eyes

And I come back to where I was

Where I’d always been

At my bed, the windows allowing the songs of the suburbs, fingers hovering over the dusty keys

Hesitation

The sentence marks an unfinished thought

And I come upon a new thought-- and I’m amazed and shocked

I’m different.

Is there a way

That I could’ve been mistaken?

I search through my memory of my past self

Through rose-tinted glasses

And peer at the life of little me

I feel strange

Confused, but calm

No longer can I see this blurry vision of a beast named change

Just

Someone holding their arms out

A patient, yet an austere fortitude

Allowing you

To come forth

Because everyone changes

Over time, these memories get sutured into my ribcage

Soft and warm undying things

That once made up me

Shades of paint, blossoming wholly inside me

Like they’re trying to impress someone

Remnants and flashes softly follow by heart, immortal but

The colors will always be the same

There is emotion caught up amongst my tongue

Holding me back

I breathe and say

I say-

“Hey… It’s me again.”

And an exhale.

Author's Note

If I presented this as a monologue/generally an accurately portrayed piece of writing, how would it be? How can I improve on the details/emotion? Brutal honesty, please!

Reviews

[Hanna01]

This is really good! Really captured my imagination until the very last letter, that's for sure! I'm excited to read more by you!

[emery]

Thank you so much Hanna