"boys will be boys" | "girls will be girls"

"Boys will be boys" ,  "Girls will be girls". From the times of the ancient Roman civilization to the 21st century, s**t-shaming has only increased. The whole idea behind this concept (which is very much real) revolves primarily around rape culture.  ‘Rape’ is a hard word to say, harder to understand. But you cannot excuse the solid weight, the formidability of this word.

As humans, many of us can’t help but see things in a certain limelight, or become influenced by a society where talking about this is looked down upon. For many places globally, girls accused of rape offers up an enormous stigma. Once a girl is accused of rape, millions can’t help but to start viewing her as a sexualized being. We prod and quickly dismiss the idea because it makes us uncomfortable. We can’t accept that the rapists (for this post, we’ll be focusing on the side of the side of the spectrum involving boys) purely did this out of the wickedness of their heart. Especially if the boy is white, involved in a sports career, and/or comes from a socioeconomic background.

We ask, “Has she ever corresponded in any sort of sexual activity?” “Maybe she wasn’t being clear about her consent?” and the worst and most popular of all, “What was she wearing at the time?” These excuses run and thin as water and only serve as false pretenciety under the real questions. You see, modern society fails to ask about the victim’s point of view, or pretends it merely doesn’t exist. We fail to see that we can dress for ourselves, that what we wear really has nothing to do with the performed  rape, because no one, not just females, want to be sexually assaulted. No one wants to endure the pain of it.

What we wear cannot define why the rapist did what they did. We have erase the idea that asking for it is ‘unladylike’ because we cannot excuse what others like to wear and look at it, eyes heavy with disapproval.

And of course, this is just one facet of the many on how to look at this. We also can’t excuse the rape victim of what she drank, or if they were being flirtatious.  This all leads up the the argument: a rape victim should not be blamed for crimes perpetrated against her. Boys need to learn to stop raping rather than girls learning not to be raped. Yet I haven’t reached our main point.

Let’s move back to s**t-shaming. We can compare this concept to “Boys will be boys” and “Girls will be s***s”. Boys will be players and girls will be s***s. If a young/heterosexual woman parts in this activity, they’re looked down on as less than humans while more often, boys are raised on a metaphorical pedestal. Once a female is presented as a ‘s**t’, she becomes a direct target for assault. And if she claims to be assaulted, she’s referred to a ‘s**t’. Sometimes being female is the only apparent excuse.

S**t-shaming really isn’t all about what the woman was wearing when this happen, or how she’s looked upon in society. It’s also about men asserting themselves in the tied situation. S**t-shaming isn’t just a modern ritual. It’s just sexism in disguise. Women shouldn’t be treated like mere objects or looked down upon for what they do, especially in a rape. It isn’t something that will go away if we try not to think about it. It’s a tumor of our society that we must fight and win. Please think about this.

Author's Note

Disclaimer: This post uses words that are considered "harsh" or "derogatory". For the purpose of this post, which is to inform, I will be using these words. I am not using these words to offend certain individuals.