Deepest Cut

This is about how heartbreak can tear you apart.

You said you would never hurt me
That you would always protect me
Always stand by me
So why am I here yet again
Broken and afraid
Your promises
Your lies
And all your little games
Will one day alll fade away
But my love for you will remain the same
No matter how hard I try
or how long I sit and cry
You will never love me the way
I love you
Maybe we are just simply not meant to be
So tell me you hate me
that you cant stand me
For both our sakes
Just tell me one more time before I die
Tell me please before my blood runs dry
Was I that much of a burden?
When Im gone who will you critize
Who will you make cry?
As many times that you hurt me
My smile remained
You never saw that it was you,
that cut me deeper than the rest

Reviews

[L.G. Knight]

"You said you would never hurt me
That you would always protect me
Always stand by me

So why am I here yet again
Broken and afraid
Your promises
Your lies

And all your little games
Will one day alll fade away
But my love for you will remain the same

No matter how hard I try
or how long I sit and cry
You will never love me the way
I love you

Maybe we are just simply not meant to be
So tell me you hate me
that you cant stand me
For both our sakes

Just tell me one more time
before I die
Tell me please before my blood runs dry
Was I that much of a burden?

When Im gone who will you critize
Who will you make cry?

As many times that you hurt me
My smile remained
You never saw that it was you,
that cut me deeper than the rest"

Sorry to mess with your work but the whole time I was reading it I couldn't help but pause and say that could be a stanza.... Hope you don't take offence of me showing you what I mean in my review... Some poems can get away with not having stanza's if they are freestyle of certain sorts this poem needed the stanzas it needed the seperation of the emotions as each one floated on the screen the clarity of thoughts conveyed because it makes the emphasis so much better on those specific points.... this is a wonderfully emotional poem and it just needs some structure to bring those emotions out.... also just as a side note I saw one place where you could make more emphasis on the line by seperating so I showed you that too.... I really hope you take this how it is meant, as a helpful suggestion and nothing more....

I really enjoyed the read and could really relate to it because I have been there and done that not too awful long ago... you have a wonderful way with words and Such amazing potential as an artist and it was a real pleasure reading you work... thanks so ver much for sharing it with all of us and I hope to read more of it in the futre!

~Frances~

[Adam Jordan Turner]

I agree with frances. Beautifully written, very expressive, lots of raw emotion, and lots of honesty. if it were in stanzas, this would be my favorite:

As many times that you hurt me
My smile remained
You never saw that it was you,
that cut me deeper than the rest

*Note* I Think the "that" in "As many times that you hurt me", Just needs to be removed, and replaced by "As" or just reword the sentence to "As many times as you have hurt me", the latter would be the best choice.

Most people get used to never showing for so long they end up never showing at all, let alone talk about it. I really like the sense of bravery in the aforementioned, great way to express it, not only in your writing, but in your form as well. It was very appropriate ending with this, it shows the growth and new found strength of the author. Nice write!

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