The Coven Hex

This is a suspenseful short story about witches I wrote several months ago for an English urban legend project.

The Coven Hex

By: A.M. Franck

“Come hither girly!”, shrieked the revolting, wrinkly wench at the young child.

Alice May sprinted towards any sanction she could find in the quiet wilderness. She was so winded she felt as if she could vomit any second.

“I shall not be like thee others.”, the petite girl whispered to herself. She rolled into the dark, fall leaves for cover.

“Do not think for a measly moment you can hide, brat!”

The woman's quick footsteps softened against the crunchy earth and then paused. She let out a ghastly cackle. Evil was indeedly soaked into the deep core of the old woman’s being. Alice covered her mouth in order to silent her breathing, even though she already felt as if she was suffocating under the thick layer of autumn. There was stillness for only a few moments before a deafening zapping sound ricocheted throughout the woods. A booming thud followed as a colossal tree hit the ground with unspeakable force. The young girl’s two legs were crushed flat below the massive trunk. Alice screamed in agony, unable to move. The woman suddenly appeared over the child and let an ugly grin spread across her face as she looked down upon her. Her big, grungy teeth looked as if they were going to fall right out of her mouth. The lady moved the tree no issue in which seemed like only a few seconds. She then preceded in wrapping her clammy hands around Alice May’s delicate arms and dragged her back the way they had entered. The poor girl couldn’t even fight back due to the graphic injury inflicted upon her and eventually blacked out. She woke up hours later constricted against a chair, everything blurry in her vision at first. Distressed, she let out a cry for help, but there was only silence.

“Hey, are you alright?”

Her eyes then focused in the darkness on an unfamiliar shadow across the room in a hunched position. Alice then built up the courage to speak.

“Who are you?”, she spoke firmly to the unidentified person across the room.

“I do not think whom thou is matters anymore.”

The figure proceeded to look up slowly, they locked eyes. You could see deep despair enriched in them. Alice could now see the unfamiliar shadow was another girl. She appeared to be several years older, perhaps fifteen. She had long, messy, brown hair that ran to the center of her back.  Much different from Alice May’s ratty, blonde nest on top of her head. Her face looked sickly pale and rigid. She had bruises all over her body.

“What is going to happen to thee?”

“Death is upon us both, eternal suffering.”

“No, no, please! That cannot be right!”

“I am sorry, but it’s true.”

Alice started shaking and sobbing uncontrollably. Frantically, the door to the small cottage where the girls were being kept, flew open. The child screamed in terror as the disgusting women from earlier crept into the room.

“Jenny, my dear, thou has been quite a lot of trouble for thyself and thy sisters.”, exclaimed the horrid witch at the older girl. The door to the dwelling burst open as two other women came tumbling through. They both giggled and snorted at each other as if one of them had told the most humorous gag. “Constance, Edith-”, the leader yelled at her sisters “Enough!” The duo then became quiet. “Ready thee elixir.” The women looked at each other dazed and confused. “In my pot, you fools!”

“Oh yes, of course Beatrice.”, the two said in unison. Edith and Constance rushed to the cauldron in the center of the room. Jenny stared at the trio with hatred as they fumbled with components to their dark desires. Many different ingredients were thrown into the huge pot to create the mysterious concoction. Alice May sat outraged at what was occurring around her. She along with everyone in their village knew the punishment for witchcraft, death by hanging.

“Done!” Beatrice yelled in satisfaction. The young girl shook with chills up her spine from hearing the woman’s ugly cackle. The sisters all danced around to the joy of finishing their grim work. Edith approached the cauldron and took a vile out of her apron. She bottled the substance in the tiny glass jar and smiled.

“It is time!”

The trio all gathered around Jenny in pleasure.

“Thee will make a plentiful sacrifice, darling.”, stated Beatrice confidently. The teenager spit at the wench with anger. “That is why you will die tonight in our honor!” Constance grabbed the vile from Edith and inched closer to Jenny.

“Tempt not too much the hatred of my spirit, for I am sick when I do look on thee!”, screamed the girl with rage. Constance shoved the small bottle into her mouth. She choked on the unusual liquid trying to spit it out. Beatrice covered the kid’s mouth making sure that wasn’t an option. Alice watched in fear as everything took place. She saw Jenny’s life completely drain from her body. The young child watched in horror not knowing what was going to happen next. She witnessed the women’s appearances change almost instantly. They looked as if they had dropped a hundred years of age. No longer were the women horrifying to look at. Their gray hair, drooping skin and gross teeth were now gone. They were extremely beautiful. Beatrice was the most attractive of all. She had long, glossy, black hair that almost hit her waist. She also had a clear, fair face with her cheeks flushed with pinkness. Constance had short, red, curly hair. She also now had perfect, white teeth. Edith had short blond hair with whispy bangs. It has been told that these women, The Hex Girls, abducted and murdered over fifty girls in the area to keep themselves youthful throughout the late sixteen hundreds. It has also been rumored that the coven is still alive to this day due to their witchcraft. Some still say to always watch out because you never know if one of the sisters is lurking behind you in shadows, ready to drag you into the darkness.

  

Author's Note

I casually tried to incorporate Shakespearean language since the story is supposed to take place during that period, so don't hate on me too hard if it's not completely accurate! Hehe :) Any corrections on that would be much appreciated as well as feedback. Also, A++ to anyone who gets the Scooby Doo reference!

Reviews

[Jessica Jaufmann]

I really enjoyed this, and I got the scooby doo reference, which I always thought was funny in the first place. In the movie aren't they supposed to be posing as vampires rather than witches? But then they are seen "making potions" at some point so then the gang thinks they're witches? haha! This was fun to read and it was great to read something other than poetry on this site. I especially loved the weather descriptions. That's always something I found to be a factor that made a story convincing, especially with supernatural writing.
There was one line that crossed me up a bit: "due to the graphic injury ". Don't tell us there a graphic injury, SHOW us!!! Get gross like you did with the descriptions of the witches. Do not be afraid it will gross people out, here is the perfect place to test out what your readers want.

[A.M. Franck]

Thank you so much for reading! I'm glad you got the reference, lol. I really appreciate the feedback. I definitely will take it to heart.

[Ember Smyth]

Firstly, I got the Scooby-Doo reference! Secondly, I thoroughly enjoyed this piece. I like the imagery that you used throughout the story, as well. The “Shakespearean language” was also interesting to read. I hope you continue to make great stories like this one!

[A.M. Franck]

Thank you so much for the sweet words! It’s been a while since I have visited my account. I really need to update my pic, yikes, lol. Anyway, hopefully I will be able to read some of your pieces soon :)

[AUU]

Fun short spooky story. Reminds me a little of Hocus Pocus. Sadly I did not find the Scooby reference.

Yeah, it's difficult to write in a period from the past. Some touches can help that. Like replacing "kid" with "child."

"Many different ingredients were thrown into the huge pot to create the mysterious concoction."

The above is a great opportunity to add some fun details. What in the world can a witch throw into a pot?

[A.M. Franck]

Thank you so much for reading my story! I really love the idea to add in a description about what the concoction is made up of. I kind of rushed when I was writing the last few pages because it was due the next day. I didn't think about that awesome detail possibly being added. I will most definitely have to put that in. Thanks again :)

[AUU]

You're welcome! Keep at it.

[V]

A very well-written and entertaining short story on a supernatural topic. Your choice of words is really good, just right on point. Other than that, I agree with the review below, you might have repeated a few words but that's only striking if you read it several times carefully. To be honest, at first I was a little confused because of the language you used but your author's note makes sense, unfortunately I'm not an expert of that old English tongue so I cannot properly and constructively review that. I liked reading it, all in all a good story.

[A.M. Franck]

Thank you so much for the kind words! I think a few of the phrases could definitely be edited so the story makes sense to the reader. I'm considering going back to edit and then re-posting it if I can find the time. I have many different writing projects in the works at the moment. But anyways, thanks again :)

[V]

You're welcome. Do that whenever you have time. I look forward to reading more by you.

[MuteB912]

This is a very engaging short story. You have good physical descriptions of your characters, especially the witches. You do have a tiny bit of repetitiveness in your story. For Alice May, you mentioned that she was petite and then said she was delicate. Petite can cover for delicate since we know that someone with a small build will have delicate features. You have a few noisy taglines that could easily be replaced with your characters' body language or proper punctuation.
For example: "Jenny, my dear, thou has been quite a lot of trouble for thyself and thy sisters!”, The horrid witch scowled at the older girl and gritted her teeth. I would suggest putting in a little more body language for your characters to help bring them and the story more to life. In my example above, I showed that the witch was angry through body language. I would also go back and research a little bit more about the speech for that time period since you have some inconsistencies with your characters' speech (mainly Alice May). Other than that, your story was a fun read! And again, I really like how you portrayed the witches in this piece. Excellent job! Thanks for sharing!

[A.M. Franck]

Thank you so much for reading my writing! I absolutely think your right. Some of the descriptions and phrases could be changed to sound more natural. Thanks again :)