the fight

the fight

A Poem by love child

My mind is ragging an unforgotten war between the past and present

My heart is screaming to be heard

But I live in a world where it is only ignored.

My eyes are starting to bleed

From all of the lies that can be seen.

My legs are fighting to go on but the crumble and I fall.

On my knees I am forced to craw.

I can take the pain, I can carry the weight

I can take all you’re your hate.

This is a lost war

My heart is breaking and I can’t take anymore
Victoria Lopez 

© 2014 love child


Author's Note

love child
im looking for things on context and the flow. can i really consider this a poem since it clearly lacks structure?

My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Featured Review

[send message][befriend] Subscribe
JC
the flow is good because it is natural and your mind, your feelings and emotions, which also makes it poetry...structure does not dictate what is writing, what is poetry, what is art...our thoughts and emotions flow much better naturally than the stunting of form and structure...writing should be a place of abandonment a place for you to lose yourself in what you observe and feel...its a beautiful poem. your heart is screaming to be heart, don't ebb the flow and let it out.

small things...raging, not ragging
crawl not craw
i can take all you're your hate...take out first you're

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

To answer your question, it has great flow and can easily be considered a poem. Honestly to consider something a poem it just has to be a short write that comes from the soul. Obviously not something written in paragraphs like a story though. What you wrote is perfect for a poem. Structure is pretty basic for poems, if you read some on this site you should get a better idea :)

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

[send message][befriend] Subscribe
JC
the flow is good because it is natural and your mind, your feelings and emotions, which also makes it poetry...structure does not dictate what is writing, what is poetry, what is art...our thoughts and emotions flow much better naturally than the stunting of form and structure...writing should be a place of abandonment a place for you to lose yourself in what you observe and feel...its a beautiful poem. your heart is screaming to be heart, don't ebb the flow and let it out.

small things...raging, not ragging
crawl not craw
i can take all you're your hate...take out first you're

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

ragging? 2 sentences have incomplete words? I can take all you’re your hate? Structure is fine. Poem needs work.

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

First, i find this very poetic, as you have expressed your feelings with a great deal of emotion. I think a couple of grammar issues are "but they (not the) crumble...", and "forced to crawl (not craw). Very nice write

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


Share This
Email
Facebook
Twitter
Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

222 Views
5 Reviews
Shelved in 1 Library
Added on October 30, 2014
Last Updated on October 30, 2014
Tags: comment, advise, love, heart broken . hurt, poem, poetry, sad

Author

love child
love child

chico , CA



About
I have no words to put in this bio. I do not know how to describe myself or what i want from life, the terrible truth is, I don't know who I am. The most I can tell you about myself is my first name i.. more..

Writing