Have a Good Day

Dear Emma,

Yesterday I told myself to have a good day. Not just for myself but for my sister. For your Aunt Becky. She has been a tremendous support, and I wanted to be better for her. We walked around Mt. Dora after my second vaccination shot for Covid. Glad to have that over with. It was nice. We picked at a couple restaurants and walked around the shops. I got some gelato. It was my first food splurge since I birthed you. It wasn’t that enjoyable to be honest. I also had a small mimosa. It wasn’t very good either. But I enjoy spending time with Aunt Becky and your cousin Cali. And for them, just like for you, I tried to be happy. It was a nice day. Today has been a nice day as well. Cali gave me two kisses today. Aunt Becky and I got our eyebrows threaded. I was even the one to suggest it. Since I found out you were no longer here with us, I’ve not cared much about anything. Nothing seems to matter. You are what matters. You were my future. Without you, who am I? I certainly am not the same person. Today I was able to come up with an answer. Or at least one part of an answer. I am your mom. I am Emma’s mom. As your mom, I want to make you proud. That means, I want to look somewhat kempt. Emma’s mom doesn’t look like a feral beast. So what kind of person is Emma’s mom? Your Mom? Your mom takes a shower every morning, and washes her face and body. Every third day she washes her hair. Before her shower she brushes her teeth and picks out her clothes. After her shower she flosses and moisturizes. Emma’s mother then has breakfast and checks in with Aunt Becky, Uncle Mat, and Cali. She does some type of physical activity everyday. That looks like a walk for now. Every night your mom brushes her teeth and showers off again. She moisturizes and then goes to bed. Emma’s mom watches what she eats and tries her best to be healthy. Little steps. Life is hard right now. Emma’s mom has a lot more work to do on herself. But I happily do the work in your name, little girl. You are my north star. My guiding light. You taught me I wanted love in my life. That I want to share my life. That there is so much more to life than the shallow mess I was before you. I will always try to make you proud as your mom. Emma’s mom.