My Burden

     I have a burden. It comes with a trembling right hand. This burden is often at the forefront of my thinking, and at its least, it never leaves the background of my conscientiousness.

Do people see my hand shaking? At times, I am embarrassed by my burden. In the back of my head is the knowledge that this disease will progress, symptoms will worsen ,and my life will change along with this evolution. That thought, I force out of my mind as much as possible. It’s too dark of a place to dwell in my thinking. “When it happens, it happens,” I tell myself. I comb the current research for positive words.

            Has this burden affected my family, my friends, my job? Some know my burden, some do not, and I wonder about the others �"“Do they know?” My burden is not a secret, but I vow not to publicize it because surely pity would  be some people’s response. I cringe at the notion of  becoming known as “Lou with Parkinsons”. So I stick my hand in my pocket when I walk, or I stifle the shakes with the other hand. Maybe, no one notices.

            Has the burden has changed me? I try not to be overwhelmed by what the future holds. I try to consider self-pity the worst attribute of this burden, but an attribute that  I have power over. Why this? Why me?  My doctor told me, “Everybody has something.” So this burden is my “something”. Many other burdens are far heavier and far more devastating. They rip people and families apart. So be grateful. Be slower to judge. Be empathetic when interacting with others. Can a burden make you more thoughtful, less judgmental, more at peace with yourself?  If so, can I consider it a burden anymore?

            Does the trembling right hand make me live more in the moment?  I enjoy the small things that I can perform even with hand tremors. I marvel at my body and mind’s ability to adapt- writing on the board left handed, using a mouse on the other side, even shooting a basketball with my left hand. I am still capable.

Do I live in the moment? I try not to be self-absorbed. I want to be there for others in need. Let this burden be the catalyst to make me a better person. Love others more, see value in everyone, show patience. Deepen my faith, pray, bolster my inner strength. Don’t lay fears or anger on others. Turn things around towards the better.

            Can Parkinson’s make you a better person? I wrestle with this question daily. It can, but does it?  It should change my mind set, but have I let it? I have decided to let my association with this disease be a turning point of my life. Do I have a choice, not really.

Reviews

[Elwina]

When life sends darkness to our way, we can fall, or we can try to learn. It's true what you say, I feel that we don't really have a choice. But it's a struggle everyday.
Very insightful, and inspiring. Thanks for sharing.

[NoneOfYourBusiness akaK..]

~and this is the definition of human grace~
~related with thoughtfulness and care~

[KAREN]

Great read! I will not show pity because thats not what you want, but I will pray that if anything this will make you a stronger person. And others that may have this disease will read this and follow in your footsteps!! Good luck!!!