don't trust me

Maybe one day you'll find out what it’s like.

What it’s like to fall for someone like me.

Some one who can’t make up her mind, someone who dreams of the future to escape the present, someone who is much better at writing than she is at speaking. Someone who can be classified as a living contradiction, because no one statement can be made about her without a contradictory statement also being true.

I love the sun, but I love the rain. Sleep is an escape, but then again, so is waking up. I love being outdoors, but I hate it. I like being alone, but I don’t like feeling lonely. I love my family, but I don’t want to be around them. I hate a boy that I am irrevocably in love with.

I live my life through words. Writing, quoting, reading. Words capture a heart that cannot fathom a way to form its thoughts aloud.

Fall for a girl like me and then come out unscarred.

Try and fall for me without being affected. Walk away unscathed. Go through the rest of your life and forget the quotes I said, the things I made you feel. Because I am a Dreamer, I am a Writer and I will change you.

Ask someone I know, if I’ve ever affected them, in any way. Because once you get close to me, there’s no going back. You won’t see me coming and you won’t be the same. It’s inevitable, unavoidable. I am unforgettable, once you let me into your heart. I don’t say this so be conceited; I say it so you may be warned.

I say it so you don’t let me in and let me change you. Not unless you’re willing to work through things. Once you allow me to inhabit your mind, you will most likely inhabit mine. And once that happens, you will know how to manipulate me. You will find ways to form words that will make me believe you.

No.

Matter.

What.

I say it to protect me.

I say it to make sure no one else allows me to fall for them. Who needs to be changed by someone like me? You always end up resenting and regretting me in the end. You realize I’m selfish, messed up and annoying. Too confused to go through life, because I can never make one decision. That goes back to having a contradictory personality.

I cannot let myself be hurt again, by someone who falls for my words before getting to know my personality.

I can manipulate words too. I can make Hitler seem like a saint, and Harriet Tubman a devil. I can BS an essay on a topic I have never heard about. If I try hard enough, I could probably make you fall in love with me. At the same time, I could make you hate me. Just make sure that you know ME, not my words. My words are a part of me, they are who I am, but they are not the whole picture. Behind blue eyes and brown hair and pale skin and twisted words and contradictory feelings and a cursed mind lies a real girl. I don’t know who she is. She doesn’t know who she is. Maybe I’ve convinced her with my words that she is real. Maybe she doesn’t exist and I am only an empty shell. Maybe I don’t exist and I’m a figment of some girl’s imagination.

I don’t know,

I’m just saying, don’t trust me.

Don’t let me trust you.

I am a Dreamer, and I am a Writer.

I’ve got one of those smiles that says “You don’t know me and you never will.”

Reviews

[SmittyJas]

Self Incrimination Only God can judge give a guy a true chance and let your spirit be your guide and ask for guidance from above and God will send to you a true love.

[ANTO]

Disturbingly brilliant - I dont want to even know you after reading this - but I would love to, but then again I wouldnt because Im the same.
Quite a ride here Hope - thank you for it.
anto :)