Photographs

Something i wrote over the weekend, please read and review, all advice would be useful, thank you

It never grows old,

It never decays,

It's feelings will never change.

Time's cold fingers can never touch,

The glossy front of a photograph.

Snapshots frozen in time,

Pictures of faces that no longer shine,

Photographs of cheerful, joyful people,

Grinning with delight.

Memories of when their happiness was at it's height.

But now their faces are cold,

Torn.

Stretched.

Depressed.

They are going through hell,

But looking at the picture,

You could never tell.

Photographs show the surface of every being,

Captures the outline of their soul.

But with out really seeing,

The feeling, 

The emotion,

The past,

Of the face it holds in a never ending cast.

Reviews

[Mandy Rose]

Photographs show the surface of every being,
Captures the outline of their soul.
But with out really seeing,
The feeling,
The emotion,
The past,

I absolutely adore this poem! It has beautiful imagery and fantastic word choice, although the rhyming does sound a bit forced, but oh well. It's great:)

[louisa]

thank youu!

[Saddam]

Photographs show the surface of every being,
Captures the outline of their soul.
But with out really seeing,
The feeling,
The emotion,
The past,
Of the face it holds in a never ending cast.

Really photograph are the alive vitness of memories and feeling.... Now trendz has change now adays Facebooking...

[Devesh]

This is good writing! Just a few suggestions here and there:

"Memories of when their happiness was at it's height." doesn't work for me, sounds too contrived somehow. Not the emotion but the choice of the words, these words don't belong here. It would sound a bit better if you changed it to something simpler. I know that you're trying to make it rhyme but trust me, it would be just as beautiful without the rhyme. Sometimes, you have to let go of it so that the words feel better. :)

"You would never tell." I would rather write "You could never tell."

"The past,
Of the face it holds in a never ending cast."

Same problem here, it sounds forced because you tried too hard to make it rhyme.

Now, to the positives: strong imagery, fluid writing and some pretty good rhyming. Just don't try to force the rhyme too much, and you're already good to go. Fantastic effort! :)

[louisa]

thank you! very helpful, I will use your advice in the future thank you :)

[Devesh]

You're most welcome, Louisa :))