Beardly Knocks

As we finished up lunch, which I made Markus pay for without delay, we were suddenly running back to school with lost finesse from all the sugar compacted into our figures. Hurrying to get to the next class that we were going to be late for in... six minutes. Gah. I blame Lurky for all of this. It's his fault we're gonna be late! I swear! If I had a gun and four bullets and was stuck in a room with Hitler and Janet Lim-Napoles and him, I'd kill all three of them but use two bullets on Markus. One on the chest that I'm sure isn't well-chiseled and his legs that are so goddamn scrawny! He isn't even that tall for yackama's sake!

When we did get to school, I stopped for a few moments and used a column for support before making another mad dash to the library to get Carrie. Earlier, Lurky realized I was the faster runner and asked me to go on ahead and get the dolls while he made his own mad dash to the lockers to get our books. Apparently, my sneaky aunt had given him my locker combination and he'd memorized it before I did!

I took a quick glance at him behind me and entered the school in the opposite direction he was headed, muttering a quick goodbye. I looked around me as a ran and noticed how there were no students in sight. None.

Nada. No siree. Nu uh. I am in so much trouble. I have never been late to a class in my life! I've been late to a number of things in my life, like my birth, but Chris Ramirez is never, I repeat, never, late for class. Realizing this, I felt tears making an appearance. Damnit. I'll cry later. I wiped them away and continued to run.

I slid into the library, my shoes making a sweeping sound on the marble floor. No librarian, good. I sneaked into the section Markus and I were last in and took out the dolls and ran out as fast as my full stomach could possibly go. Which was still fast, of course.

My arms ached from the dead weight I was carrying, their eyes opening and closing creepily. Oh my god. I thank my friends for putting a stop to my selective pediophobia before I left to avoid another... accident.

My legs reacted faster than my stupid brain did as I rounded a corner and slammed straight into a lanky wall of meat and sugar that I only assumed was Markus. Or was. I was running too fast to know. Curse me.

From my place on the floor, I clutched my head and looked at my companion, who indeed, was Markus. When we had both recovered, I picked up his doll and took mine from his, and traded. I swear our hands lingered for a few moments longer than necessary before breaking away to check our dolls for damages. Good, none so far. Hopefully, it'll be with Jason when it dies a fast death one can compare to the death of King Stefan.

I looked at Markus and he looked at me, his mouth poised into a strange shape, like he was popping the 'p' in response to a yes or no question. Which by the way is really annoying and hot depending on whose popping, just so you know.

"I checked the schedule and turns out, we have like, an hour left of study period."

I swear I blinked a mile a minute. We... "So you're saying that we ran all that way just to get back to a thing called study period that I have no idea about!?" Oh god. Oh god. Really? All that running was for nothing?

N.O.T.H.I.N.G!?! Geez. I could have used that time to savor the taste of the milkshake until it faded away! That was such a waste.

Markus looked confused for a moment and then he remembered I wasn't born in America. "Right. Well, if you would follow me, then."

And then cue the awkward silence. I followed Markus through the empty halls until we came upon a nondescript door, much like all of the other doors at the school. Boring, really.

Markus knocked on the door and a voice on the other side replied, "Begin sequence."

And then the knock-a-thon began.

Markus started it with two knocks and someone on the other side replied with five. I'm not even sure if anyone can consider these things knocks because I'm pretty sure knocking means using you knuckles. Not your knees, palms and elbows.

So there I stood, with my body leaning on the wall, my arms crossed and my mind wandering around with no idea what the hell was happening as Markus and the person on the other side continued to knockity-knock-knock for a long time.

And then after the bazillionth knock, the door clicked open and out came this kid wearing a fabulous-looking Gandalf beard and elf hat came out and gave Markus a cheek-to-cheek greeting. Wait. Those seem familiar. What did we call those back in Filo world, again? Gah. Curse my memory!

As I was arguing with myself, the two men, more like lovers after the greeting, looked at me and after I had decided to acknowledge their presence, the bearded one talked. I wonder if that thing is itchy...

"Welcome Newbie! Tis I, the wonderful-" I wonder what else he was going to say before a bag was shoved onto my head for me to wear as a hat. Not very fashion-forward, guys. It was a smelly bag too! While I was being escorted into the room, I noticed that with a little bit of squinting, a name had been written on the bags inside, where I was currently in, with a black marker. And it seems as though the owner stopped halfway through writing a 'W' because it looks like a 'V' with a long ponytail. It makes you think of Angelina Jolie on a regular day with the kids. I wonder if she wears sweatpants...

Soon as they stopped pushing me with what I assume was a stick, the bag was removed from my head and I faced beard-dude, Markus, and four other people in a scary straight line in the middle of neatly arranged chairs.

 Strange. I stared at Markus and he looked at me with eyes that seemed to say 'calm down.' Well that isn't exactly comforting, now is it? Don't tell me this is a movie cliché where the main character gets initiated into a secret geek organization and then get into trouble with said group.

"Welcome Newbie!" Beard guy says, raising his arms in exaggerated movement. And then he breaks character. 

"Sorry about earlier. We forgot to do the first ritual." He apologized. He cleared his throat and straightened his tie and with a hand scratching his gray beard, he continued. "Tis I! The great Techvin of Gron." He pointed to Markus beside him and spoke again." Smawt has elected you fit to enter our hallow coven. We welcome, you, of course, but you must pass the test of Cesson."

I assume Cesson is the girl with the detachable elf ears because she stepped up and nodded at me with a scary a*s grin. "The test is simple. When you were taken into this place, a bag was placed on your head. The bag belongs to one of us and you must find out who." She said.

Well how the dicknoodle am I supposed to do that. Oh right. Typical cliché. She gives me clues, and I have to decipher the f**k out of the clues. Ridiculous as much as soap athletes foot and tinea flava. Let's get this s**t over with, then. Bring forth the f*****g clues that I assume are confusing as f**k!

"But, I will provide you the bag. You may inspect it as much as you wish. You have the entire period while we go on with regular activities." And with that I was left to stand while they pulled out a box of cards.

As I was looking at them with weird fascination, I hadn't noticed Markus behind me up until his hands held onto my shoulders with so much intensity that my knees shook. Great way to manhandle a girl into hating you into oblivion, idiot. When he released me from his grip, my shoulders were aching. He grinned at me and I noticed that a purple bag was sandwiched between his balls.

He blushed and just stood there. After about thirty seconds, I realized that I was supposed to take the bag from him. What kind of sick group is this? Ew.

"You have to. These guys might not look like much but wait until you meet them. Bend down and take it from the straps." Markus whispered hurriedly. I nodded and took the bag by the straps and tugged it off of his dingdong and backed away.

"The owner isn't who you think he is. Trust me." Apparently, Cesson heard him because seconds later she was pulling him by the ear towards the other people.

"No talking to the newbie, Mar-Smawt! You know it's forbidden!" She hissed.

Might as well do this. I looked around the room for a good place to sit and saw that there was a bookshelf right beside the big windows and went right to it. It's more comfortable than I thought!

Right. The bag. I opened the sad looking thing and the first thing I looked for was the V from earlier. There it was, in all of its ponytail glory.

Author's Note

Happy 2015! Tomorrow, I go back to school. AAAA. You know what this means? Three more months of torture before I graduate! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA