Aftermath of Our Break Up

Did you ever love me? Because everyones asking why we broke up and I don't want to give the reason that you never loved me.

Look at what you’ve done.

Tell me that you’re guilty.

Don’t stop on my account really.

                              

            Not everyone knows how and why we broke up. Most of them are making their own stories about it as if they were there. As if they were our confidants, our crying shoulders and our friends. Most of them are not even our friends they are just sadists who love to see couples crash and fall. Unfortunately we are no exception to them.

 

I don’t blame you as much as I blame myself

However if you give me a percentage

I’d say I still like you 25 %

While 75% I despise everything about you

 

            My mother called today asking me why we broke up. All her questions were towards me as if her first thought that it was my fault. Thank you mother for pointing the finger to your own daughter, really thank you because you have so much faith in me! I didn’t tell her the whole story not even the half of it. Trust me I don’t want to recall everything or anything really.

 

My friends won’t stop calling me

Your friends are trying not to call me

Your friends are saying sorry for you

How about you? Where’s your apology?

 

            Why does everyone think I’m sad? Why are my friends calling me non-stop asking for a movie marathon? Even if I was sad how can watching a lot of romantic comedies help me when I am in a situation that makes me bitter with love? Then match it up with ice cream and chips hoping that food would give me comfort. Oh trust me food will give me comfort but only temporary then I’d look for more. So dear my friends I do not need to know how Tom Hanks won over Meg Ryan or Ryan Goseling winning over every girl he’s in proximity to. What I need is to let my anger pass because I am not sad, I am angry.

 

They said I should be sad

I should be crying

But I prefer to be screaming

Especially at your face

 

            Breaking up with a person is not a sickness so it’s not a good excuse to miss work. I work in a Teen magazine, but don’t confuse it with cool ones like Teen Vogue because this is more of a fluffy teen magazine and gossip about celebrities. Mostly I write about how Harry Styles’ hair looks so soft that my need to touch it will leave me fainting. Nothing hard hitting as I would want to but I’m just starting out so this is my due that I need to pay, though I spent four years in college learning how to write out of the box and keeps people on my hook. Now I’m writing about One Direction and how much I want to have sex with them without actually saying that my intention is sex. I really do wish that my break up can be an excuse to get out of work seeing that I’m not in the right state of mind because if I see anyone I know asking me about my relationship I might punch them in the face.

 

“Let’s talk” you text it not say it

You ask for us to talk

But you could barely say it to me

So you’re still a coward hoping I wouldn’t reply

 

            I never asked anyone to give my love quotes or advice on how to handle my break up. I appreciate it but at the same time I don’t. Most of my co-workers today are trying to give me advice that they write in the magazine. Oh how much I want to scream that they do not know how much you hurt me. You really should walk into our conversation and let me laugh at you while you ask me for my forgiveness. But no, I did not get that lovely situation. All I get are texts from your friends for us to talk. Why won’t you do it yourself? Because I prefer a screaming match than hearing my 30 something co-worker quoting Nicholas Sparks. Sorry my friend this is not "The Notebook" and you are definitely not Ryan Goseling.

 

You’re such a p***y

You’re such a coward

But you were not terrified to hurt me

 

            To be honest I haven’t cried one bit since we broke up, all I did was sink into my anger. I’m just angry at you and at myself. Like what if we did it differently would we be still together? Why did I have to say that to you? Why did you have to hurt me like that? Are you really that insensitive? And why are your friends apologizing for you? Why are you texting me you want to talk when you can call me so you can hear the edge in my voice? If you truly want to talk you’d want to hear my reaction and be aggravated by how many times I’d ignore your call.

 

You finally called, even though it’s been 2 weeks

I know it’s pathetic that I’m actually waiting

But I cannot rest until I hear your apology

Not for a second chance just an “I’m Sorry”

Because you have to be guilty

For hurting me

 

            You called so we can talk. It’s not as satisfactory as I thought, I found myself crying. I hope you didn’t hear that edge in my voice, because the anger passed and now I’m holding back the tears. Sure we talked but I have more to say now. I want to say you damaged me, you could’ve broken me some other way but no you hurt me on purpose. Even if you didn’t say it, you did what you did because you didn’t want to look me in the eye saying you want it all to be over. Instead you let me catch you in the arms of someone else. You let me be angry for so long then cry when I finally hear your apology. I will move on from this but that process seems longer than I want it to be.

 

Please just answer me

Are you even guilty?

Did you ever love me?

Author's Note

I really ask for feedback about my writing and that includes grammar. So feel free to say whatever you think of my piece.