Family Vacation

its a true story based on my family vacation (not done yet)

Hi! My name is Louie and I am going to tell you a story about our family vacation. It all started at home. Me and my sister were watching T.V. and then Mom and Dad came and said, “Guess What?”, and then we said, “what?”. Then mom said , “It’s a surprise.” and then we yelled, “WHAT?”. Then Dad said, “We are going to Syria!” and me and my sister started jumping and yelling, “YAY!” We were so excited and we said, “we always wanted to go to Syria!” Then mom said, “Go pick out something to wear and when you are done go pack up your toothbrush, toothpaste, underwear/boxers, shirts, socks, and pants.” I wore my Puma shirt and my skinny jeans and packed my Nike and Vans shirt. I also packed my Levis and Ecko Unlimited pants and I packed my Crest toothpaste and my Aqua Fresh toothbrush. I wore my Tony Hawk shoes and I packed my Hanes Boxers and some socks. I said, “I’m ready” and my sister said “I’m ready” also. Then when my mom and dad were ready, we wore our shoes. Then when we wore our shoes, we went in the van and drove to the airport. In the car, I got hungry and asked mom if she can make me a bologna sandwich with mayonnaise. She said, “ok”  and got the bread and the bologna and the mayonnaise and a knife to spread the mayonnaise on the bread. She put a bread on a napkin and put a piece of bologna on it and then she got a knife and put it in the jar of mayonnaise and scoop it out of the jar. Then she spread it around the bologna and put another piece of bread on it. She said, "Here you go" and i ate it up. Then when I finished, I was playing on my DSi. Then after that I slept a little. When we got there, my sister woke me up and I yawned and stretched and asked, "Are we there?" and my Dad said, "Yes". Then we saw our cousin Andy and i yelled, "ANDY!" and I gave him a big hug. Then I said hi to his sister and his mom and dad. Then Andy said, "Were going to Syria like you". Then I said, "I know in a nice way. Then Andy asked his mom and I asked my mom if we can eat nachos and they both said. "ok". We said, "Yay" and got $3.00 to buy nachos and waited in line. When it was our turn Andy had Nachos with jalapenos and i just had regular Nachos. When I got my Nachos, mom asked, "Why did you eat nachos? Didn't you just eat a sandwich in the car?" I said, "I am still hungry." And then she said, "Ok". Then me and Andy sat down at a table and started eating our nachos

Author's Note

it might be too detailed and how is it rate 1= very bad;
2= bad; 3= ok; 4= good; 5= excellent