A slight DISturBanCe...An introDucTi0N t0.be C0ntinuEd.

When I came into this universe blue and screaming, pushed out,  breeched, there was a slight disturbance in the universal sound system. Hence the explanation for my outburst upon entering the fluorescent zone, ripping the ears off the adults as they greeted me with grimaces so in sync with the injustice of my prematurely dead cocoon and rude displacement into some weirdo landscape that bound me, within its own gross pitch, much grosser and all encompassing, not sparing me the embarrassment of its ugly, ugly, artificiality; the scene that inspired my gut to howl was lying to me, right off the bat. I was born a hundred years old. My running commentary was, even during the stages of my sunny infancy: just let me................BE. NOW. Or ELSE. But, the slight disturbance. That was my purpose. To paint a picture. For those that don't know. The humming. That is what troubled me almost as immediate as the lighting that cast a yellow jaundice on clinical skins, making translucent the bodies busying about me raunchy- glowing and the pace was like all the weirdness attacking my mind at a speed I found odd for the fragile being naked confused, already assuming disappointment and remote as a foreign particle passing through oblivion. AND I was not screaming because I was a healthy baby, No!! Don't try to escape into the banality of that EUPHEMISM. I was screaming at the......slight disturbance....a little hummingbird of a drone...so very slight.....and horridly upsetting my sense of equilibrium, which , ha, did it ever, could it ever, no, rather........inspired tears to the dry humor of my face: already my defenses were activated. Sensing the enemy, the smell of a fight. Old nag. For the initial immersion in strangness was abated by my HEALTHY screams. Nice, violent, relentless, health bursting out of my little larynx like an experienced escape into normalcy. I learned very, very early that the humming.....needed every ounce of my fierceness to make it, insignificantly upstaged by this innate stubborness still so alive in me today to put it in its place. It was tiresome and the desperation to remain unscrutenized, to gather my best receding into the backdrop I could manage, instinctively morose to the exposure impending, the vulgar reality that haunted me and filled me with such painful loneliness: They found me out eventually, I was from the forbidden planet; I stayed within the looking glass for years and years, knowing the familiar glances blowing my alienation up into a full blown illness. They knew I was not one of them. The teachers knew I was not present in class. They made me aware of how difficult and bored I was with their idiot assignments and the shreak of the girls flirting and so ready to please these monotonous boys that looked through me like the plaque would infect their silly games with a slap of aloof ridicule. HUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. It rose in tiny increments, barely perceptable, but terrifyingly acute, my ears had tuned into the slightness, it's disturbance raising the tiny blond hairs on my arms, my neck. The clouds had started to roll over my childhood with a cruel realism only I knew. Only I heard. It took over my mind like nature. It was natural. Except. No. One. Else. Ever. Mentioned. How. It. Erased. Their. Carefree. Joy. Prematurely. RUINING. MY. Little. Life. Making. Me. Solemn. Aware of the Dark. Too early. It had infected my conscious. HUMMMMMM. HUMMMMM. It swelled as I grew, bit by bit. Patiently taking over my little girl thoughts and turning them ancient, morbidly precocious, anxiety of the ominous something. It got bigger with years. Still only I heard. I covered up my sad acceptance that a monster was growing in my mind and getting a head start at the long tormented weaving, plotting, teasing: letting me know I had no will of my own. The danger was only budding. It pinched the back of my neck in murderous dreams. Began to take on a mature cacophony of the most wretched, poltergeist of sound, melodies forming to the violent threat of the nightmares that terrified me for many years. The humming of the unknown. The unknown. Instability. Usurpation. Corruption. Devil in my brain. Hummm. Hummmm. Humm. I began to obsess about silence. Oblivion was a friend of mine way before the real dark addictions took over in order to survive the mean, hollow, relentless dialogues stealing me from my family and my comfort and throwing me down into the grave I had already begun to covet. Too early. My life. Was this. I hate. Hate. I want IT dead. RAGE. Into. My future. This was only an introduction to overwhelming displacement and threshold for the strangness that knew no boundaries and alienated me from the lives of my so-called "peers." Indeed. A bunch of ignorant kids. My resentment began on the first day of nursery school. The humming was even more disorienting and pronounced. It had competition with the pissy pants boys and girls whining, annoying, drone of an education that began, without fruit, pointless. Another intrusion. My eyes would have shot lasers into anyone that invaded my private, esoteric, misunderstood, unattentive tent of brain. JUST SHUT UP AND LEAVE ME ALONE. That was all I wanted. I had no idea why. Where these intensities stemmed from. But, I was serious. And the humming. It grew. And grew. It shut me in. The hum graduated to tones. Tones are the best I can do to describe the disturbances that vibrated and shook my thoughts into bursts of nervous, surreal, unexplainable processes raising their voices and asserting the right to consume me. A cacophony I would never be able to explain to the people around me that pointed when I became too tired to feign and blend, my face twisted into a frown of concentration. I paid great attention to anything but what this useless school tried to drill into my already over occupied skull. No vacancy. Not yet anyhow.  No matter what I wore, did, said, thought. I carried the heavy burden of isolation and it crossed over, too young, into despair, not knowing that it was despair, complete with the quiet reservation foreshadowing a private hell that grew and matured, faster than my late blooming child-girl-body; too fast for me to catch and come to understand. I walked in fear. The sounds were not like any sounds I had ever heard come from the wonderful music of my musical family (before the impurities of its dysfunction set into my consciousness). I harbored an enemy. I would try to kill this enemy off for a great portion of my future. Just wishing to be free. To be deaf to the hum, the tones, the anilhilation of my youth. The facilitator of a swift desent into realities too twisted to foresee. I wanted the thing that would quiet my disfigured, freak brain. I had a vengence that sought out the poison, a very, very, strong toxin to avenge my right to be happy. and free,  and pretty, and part of. A violent intoxicator. Just kill the noise. It was never music. It was the monster. Humming, self-satisfied chimera. Stealing away and having fun ripping shreds in my sanity. Cacophony. (to be continued and most likely modified or made extinct).................

Reviews

[Dane Osborne]

Ahhh, I remember you well Eris.

A ferocious rant on the absurdity of perception and how fucked up humanity from the eyes of an anti-social alien. Excellent premise and you handled it in a way where it didn't come off as sci-fi despite the subject matter. intelligently well done. 100/100