apathetic poison

A Story by Brooke Miller

With alcohol in my liver and cigarette smoke in my lungs the poison you left in my heart was by far the best. Maybe I knew you were deadly all along but I've never been one to keep things in perspective. There is a constant haze that fogs my mind that only clears when thoughts of you creep in. I am always "fine" until I'm laying on the bathroom floor and the shower is stained with my crimson blood at two-thirdy in the morning. It's amazing how just one memory of you, one simple, inconvenient memory of you can cause me to choke on tears. It is astonishing how thinking of you can cause me to cry out in anguish and my heart to ache with emptiness. You deserve the world but refuse to let me give it to you, but even still I will always put you first even if it means bleeding out on the bathroom floor alone. Denying your cruel words will always fair better than facing such a cold reality. No sympathy or words can take the misery no blades or pills can subdue the pain. Not even a bullet could erase you and your name from my mind. You have so violently plunged me back into my false state of euphoria which I've been fighting so hard to escape. Awakening has never brought such sorrow until today.