words for my daughter

poetry/spoken word

As I sit here alone listening to the wind howl

I contemplate how…

I found myself in this place

In this particular position

I play every move of the game over in my mind

Analyzing my decisions

I listen to this s**t hole house creak and scream

I wonder what I really mean

When I give the almost mechanical response to the question “how ya doin’?”

“eh,.. livin’ the dream”

Did my sacrifices really pay off?

Or did I trade one set of hurt for the next

Was I really rich when I made more money

Even though I was emotionally broke as piss

I am definitely broken

But instead of placing blame I embrace that some things just cant be fixed

I am ok with that

I am who I am

A constant battle of self improvement

But to you whom I used to blame for my problems

I don’t have to prove s**t

A never ending battle to be good enough for myself

But as greed is now instilled in us as a virtue in this country

I realize that none of us will be satisfied regardless of how much wealth

We possess..

I regress.. as that’s not really the point

I yearn for things I’m told I can’t have

I have touched so many things I was told not to grab

 my eyes have seen plenty that I would like to forget

But as I embrace the picture of what my life has become…

I shed no tears of regret

I followed my own path

As we all do

I’ve found many weak places in the floor..

And without fail, every time I do…

 I fall through

But with more conviction and determination than the last time

I will always stand up

To me, proficiency with your fists does not distinguish who is tough

Pain truly is weakness leaving the body

Be it’s excreted from a tear duct

Or from a session in the gym

Every ounce of pain you survive is another source of energy that is there for you when you are ready to begin

A new chapter

When you are ready to return to love and laughter

When you can open your arms again and embrace those that matter

Old and new

Forget your old self, because he has most certainly forgotten you

Embrace that you change daily and don’t struggle to define it…

The golden ticket is to love yourself unconditionally..

and you’ll be just fine kid.