Cat Fight

A story inspired by the battle between an old Siamese cat and a toddler.

For two years, Domestic Cat (Felis Catus or F. Domesticus) tolerated the intruding Human Creature as if it were a houseguest that would eventually leave. He seemed confident that if this annoying lap-stealing, tail-pulling beast wouldn’t go on his own, his Owners would come to their senses and send him back out on the street, or return him to whatever planet he came from.

 

So while he showed no love toward the intruding Human Creature, Domestic Cat tried his best to keep his composure and dignity intact. If the intruding Human Creature pirated his spot on his Owner’s lap, he wasn’t going to be, well, catty about it. He’d do the gentlemanly thing and surrender it politely. And even when the intruding Human Creature would physically assault him by yanking on his tail, he was willing to let bygones be bygones, certain that this barbarian would soon be bye and gone.

 

But as time passed and the intruding Human Creature grew bigger and stronger and progressed from crawling to walking, reality seemed to hit Domestic Cat right square in the whiskers: the intruding Human Creature wasn’t leaving.

 

It was sundown, and there was a feline that had been crossed.

 

After holding it in for more than two years, Domestic Cat dropped a t**d bomb on the intruding Human Creature’s bed.  The claws were defiantly out. Domestic Cat was acting anything but domesticated.

 

After that first attack, he struck again. This time the target was an infant blanket decorated with teddy bears. The insurgency picked up intensity and the attacks became increasingly more brazen. Domestic Cat did not shoot randomly but rather struck targets with a clear connection to the enemy: toys, blankets, book bags.

 

While Domestic Cat's Owners tiptoed cautiously through this war zone, always fearful of stepping on a kitty landmine, the target of the attacks, the intruding Human Creature, didn't blink. His inner shield kept him out of harm's way in the same way bullets bounce off Superman's chest. He was an unmovable force, a tough reality pill that Domestic Cat eventually learned to swallow.

 

Even when you may be in the right, some battles you just can't win. And so, Domestic Cat pulled in the claws. With heavy paws, he trudged back to Litter Box Hill and went about his business the way a domestic cat should.

 

Reviews

[Kane Hay]

I loved this. It's very witty and fun. The simplicity of using common truths as retaliation is just so witty. I don't think I'll be looking at the plotting Domestic Cat the same ever again. A great read, entertaining and downright smart. Keep it up!