Madness of Solitude

Monologue once done for a prompt.

"A pretty sad, fucked up life I lead, huh?" He tossed his head to the side to look at me, his eyes and mouth in a sad sort of grimace.

His features turned dark, as though he saw something he did not wish to see. He began to pace frustratedly, "Tucked into a corner, with no respite from the uselessness that is my life, the utter uselessness of being 'protected' for 'my own good'." He stopped. "Look out that window, look out at that green and brown and blue. At life.

"Look around here," he made a wide sweeping motion of the room. "This dreary, dull room with dim light and filth filled corners. What is this life?

"People are after my life. ‘What a change!’ Yet haven't they already taken it? And broken it?

“I can feel my mind cracking, I can feel it breaking, and I know that my mind is becoming addled from this solitude. Even my journal tells me my memory has shifted! False memories have taken the place of true. In this extended stay, all I have left is wallowing in that of the past, my one and only respite from this damned place!" A sighing laugh whispered past his lips. "And now, even that is being taken from me."

       He was silent, lifting his dulled eyes to look at me, "This place is making me insane, this place is making my mind wane." He looked towards the window, his gaze growing fixated, "I cannot stay here any longer, I cannot stay here," he muttered intensely. He ran towards the window, stopping just bare of thrusting himself off the edge. He stood there, looking without seeing, before thrusting himself away. "Gah, why cannot I do it? Why can I not just end this madness? This prison. They put me here so my life is not taken, they put me here where my mind is broken. This is anarchy! They must be on their little mounds of wealth, drinking wine and having good fun, while I wait and wait here for my bottles of ink and sheafs of quills to come, for my little mealy grain to filter through, transported by some secretive servant!

     "What should I care that my most trusted vassal attacked, and overthrew the court? Let him end me by his own hands! Let him end me and let me be done with it! Have him look into my eyes and have him say that he is glad to be rid of me. Have him thrust his sword into my heart, I don't care!" The shout faded in the room and he bowed his head and whispered, "There was a time where I agreed to this solitude, in that hectic fray. My most trusted advisor, John, had assured me it would not be a very long stay.... Not very long. "

     Again a pause. "Did he betray me too? Or is he dead, killed during the coup d'etat? Is the little servant keeping me fed his?" His voice trailed into silence.

     "Was all of my trust some form of madness as well? Was it all misplaced? I laughed with those men, learned with those men, and even fought with the very man whose forces overwhelmed my gates.

      "What is this fate?

        "Again and again my mind returns to that of my past, as I wonder what could have caused all this wrong. My mind goes even from my earliest memory, trying to piece together how it all started, how it all came to be."

         He raised his head to look at me, "And how I began to see my own reflection as my only companion." He turned his head towards the door, "And wonder how much longer I have to stay."