a rant about cancer...

something scribbled from the mattress..

Every cough

You’re afraid to look

Will there be blood on my lip

The endless rattle of death

Echoes from your lungs

You try to cough it out

But it stays

At night you panic

Because on your back

Breathing is impossible

You think every breath

May be your last

It causes you to tear up

Your bedroom becomes lonely

And wish for those days

When mother was there

To hold your hand in sickness

You fall asleep from exhaustion

But you awake suddenly

Because you forgot how to breathe

The chemo courses through your veins

There is no amount of morphine

To keep the pain at bay

Radiation has taken

Those long curly locks

The ladies used to love

Running their fingers through

You are weak

And sometimes,

Getting out of bed is harder

Than lifting a truck above your head

You feel sorry for yourself

Because you may never see your kids marry

You may never share another Christmas

With family

But you were the stupid one

Who put that first cigarette to your lips

You were the stupid one

Who kept at it after emphysema

Claimed your grandfather

After it engulfed your mother

You still smoked

And now

You’re not so tough looking

And you begin to bargain

With god

Who you know won’t hear a single word

Because you shunned him

Before all this sickness

So you sit in your own s**t

And wait for death to claim you

Unfortunately….

Death doesn’t want you either

And someone’s prayer out there

Was heard

Because eventually you feel stronger

You can breathe a little deeper

Exhale without a rattle

And blood only comes from your nose

On dry days….

Author's Note

this was something from my days dealing with lung cancer

Reviews

[Quinn Blackburn]

potent visceral piece, Bradley... gritty with emotion, sweaty and tumultuous. I'm grateful we got to keep you awhile longer. Very few people today allow themselves the freedom to be as inspiring as you consistently are in everything you write and share.

[Searching 4 Serenity]

I'm happy that I quit before giving myself the chance for that. This would be a perfect speech for your failed D.A.R.E. programs.
Painfully potent with an extra dose of bitter truth

[Robin]

as real as only one who has been there can tell it . You tell it well .

[.]

gosh..the was raw..s**t..makes it all the worse because your the cause..

[MuSe Ampoule]

Very powerful rant, made me tear up with emotion. I hope you never have to deal with this painful experience again.

[Samuel Dickens]

You laid it out good; no candy-coating here. You know I can relate. When you're a man who's full to the brim with energy, strength and guts, (And big balls) you hit the floor extra-hard when a catastrophic health issue snatches the rug from under you. The best course of action is to turn that fighting spirit against the disease, and I think you've done that.

[Vanessa Rico]

The emotion that you have created made me cry. My grandfather had cancer and I had to watch him go through all the chemo and radiation. It was very hard, but you have created a powerful poem!

[My Fair Lady]

Whoa! Gripping. The format adds to the emotion.

[NoneOfYourBusiness akaK..]

well~you nailed me to the pain inherent~you grip~you trip and capture deep into the emotional maelstrom~