a rant about cancer...

something scribbled from the mattress..

Every cough

You’re afraid to look

Will there be blood on my lip

The endless rattle of death

Echoes from your lungs

You try to cough it out

But it stays

At night you panic

Because on your back

Breathing is impossible

You think every breath

May be your last

It causes you to tear up

Your bedroom becomes lonely

And wish for those days

When mother was there

To hold your hand in sickness

You fall asleep from exhaustion

But you awake suddenly

Because you forgot how to breathe

The chemo courses through your veins

There is no amount of morphine

To keep the pain at bay

Radiation has taken

Those long curly locks

The ladies used to love

Running their fingers through

You are weak

And sometimes,

Getting out of bed is harder

Than lifting a truck above your head

You feel sorry for yourself

Because you may never see your kids marry

You may never share another Christmas

With family

But you were the stupid one

Who put that first cigarette to your lips

You were the stupid one

Who kept at it after emphysema

Claimed your grandfather

After it engulfed your mother

You still smoked

And now

You’re not so tough looking

And you begin to bargain

With god

Who you know won’t hear a single word

Because you shunned him

Before all this sickness

So you sit in your own s**t

And wait for death to claim you

Unfortunately….

Death doesn’t want you either

And someone’s prayer out there

Was heard

Because eventually you feel stronger

You can breathe a little deeper

Exhale without a rattle

And blood only comes from your nose

On dry days….

Author's Note

this was something from my days dealing with lung cancer

Reviews

[Quinn Blackburn]

potent visceral piece, Bradley... gritty with emotion, sweaty and tumultuous. I'm grateful we got to keep you awhile longer. Very few people today allow themselves the freedom to be as inspiring as you consistently are in everything you write and share.

[Jasmine]

Bloody hell.... this is incredible.
I have nothing more to say. I am speechless.

[Matteus Ducey]

i found this to be very eye opening. as you can see from my profile picture, i am a smoker...but i really want to quit. it's just really hard when you have anxiety attacks when you go through withdrawals. anyway, i loved your use of imagery. it's good to see someone take something so horrible and make something artistic out of it. 10/10

[writing mojo]

Wow! Glad you made it through.. what a self reflection this is, like cold fogged breath on the mirror writing your name in the moisture fading..good stuff

Very well written!!
I just have one thing to say about this and it is only what I believe. God does hear you, even when you shun him, even before sickness, and even during it and after it~
He never leaves your side, just as a real parent would never do, even when you've broken there hearts.. They stand there and wait and just hope for the day!

You write wonderful, with feeling and emotions,
Cancer, I do not know, but it has to be the worst thing that crawls in the night,for it is under your skin, and can't be seen..I am 9 years clean, no smoke shall ever touch my lungs again!

I am glad you are here to write these poems! I enjoy reading your work.
I just quiet as a stocker! lol

[John Jackson (El Juero)]

Holy crap, Bradley, you have the reader in there coughing with you. An outstanding piece, the best part being you getting stronger.
Truly inspirational writing. I love it.

[KATHY SUE SILLS]

I've never had cancer, but have seen the affects of it on family. friends! I could feel your despair and struggles as i read! So well written! Glad you beat your cancer!!

[Allen Smuckler]

Bradley, this is a most compelling write. I was a little confused at the beginning, because i wasn't quite sure who you were speaking about. Your use of My (will there be blood on my lip) was the only use of nominative singular...everything else was 2nd person. However, I quickly recovered, whew, and read a serious account of what must have been a horrific experience, told in in an extremely expressive way.
Not a person alive who hasn't been touched by that insidious disease
So glad you're ok, now.
allen

[quinfinn]

i am deeply moved by this having lost my mom to cancer; i watched helplessly as chemo ravaged her fragile body. now i am caring for my sis who has stage 4 bone marrow cancer, constant excruciating pain. thank you for putting into verse what few dare to touch upon. this one definitely goes in my faves. great write!

[Michael of Gilead]

Every smoker dies 1000 deaths, to think a warning on a package would stop someone is silly....

"And i looked and behold a pale horse, and his name that sat upon him was death, when hell followed with him"

[Revolutionary]

This should be printed on the side of every pack of cigs.If I could have read this poem I may have never started smoking.