goodbears...

the reason i'm banned from telling the kids bedtime stories

GoodBears Rated PG-10

Cast of Characters

Bobby D.....the homemade green teddy bear with a jaded past

Una....the pet store owner who takes him in

Brad....the stupid step-dad

Suzan....Una's mom/nurse's aide

Daisy....the idiot Wiemeriner

Bobby D was a notorious mean bear that terrorized the city of Chicago and Las Vegas. He owned a couple of casinos and beat up a lot of other bears in his younger days. But one day, Bobby D messed around with the wrong bear, Pauly Fuzzolli, who ran the numbers into Vegas from his headquarters in Kansas City. So Bobby D decided to skip town.

He found himself in the small village of Wilbert, MN. population 12. He stayed with the owner of a petshop. Her name was Una, she adored animals and Bobby D was the cutest little thing she'd ever seen. So Bobby D decided to pretend to be a soft cuddly little bear.

Una spoiled Bobby D. She made him clothes and made him hair, read to him, shared her meals with him, and hugged and kissed him.

The only thing Bobby D. didn't like, was her step-dad Brad. Every day he would come over to Una's petshop, pet all the animals, tell stupid jokes and worst of all....he would pretend to snap Bobby D's neck and drop him to the floor.

Bobby D was fond of Suzan, Una's mom. He thought she was beautiful and couldn't understand how she ended up with such a dumb jerk like Brad.

One fateful day, Bobby D had had enough. Brad walked into the petshop, pet all the animals and gave Una a kiss and told her that he loved her for like the one hundreth time today and then he turned and picked up Bobby D and said, "Duh, look, Una, i'm gonna dun break bobby d's neck again, hur-hur!"

Brad went to grab Bobby D's neck and was surprised when Bobby D bit into his finger.

"Duh, ouch!" Brad said,

"hey, i dun think that hurted."

"Bobby D!" Una shouted, "That's your grandpa!"

"No he ain't!" Bobby D screamed, his cute little voice replaced by a gruff itallian drawl, "He's just some stupid jerk that needs his neck broken!"

Bobby D grabbed Brad by the neck and cracked it and then dropped him on the ground.

"There!" he growled.

"Um....." Una asked worried, "......Brad?"

"Um." Brad coughed a few drips of blood, "I'm okay, honey. I'm just paralyzed from the neck down."

"Well," she said. "you did ask for it."

Just then there was a knock at the door. They looked outside adn the entire street of Wilbert was covered with angry teddy bears.

"Crap!" said Bobby, "This doesn't look good."

"Who are they?" asked Una.

"Uh, some bears i owe a lot of money to, some i beat up."

The bears at the front door banged again, this time so hard that they rattled the windows of the shop.

"Open up!" they hollered, "We just want Bobby, we'll let the rest of you live!"

Bobby D put on his cute voice again and looked up at Una with his cute little black button eyes. "Please, mommy, don't let the bad bears get me."

Una couldn't help it. He was too cute. She winked at Bobby D and went to the back of her pet store to a sign that said "REJECTS". She came back with a stupid looking tan dog called a wiemeriner.

"This is Daisy." she announced, "she likes chewing apart underwear, the garbage, and most of all, stuffed animals."

She let Daisy out the front door and she chewed up all the teddy bears in Wilbert. There was stuffing everywhere, it looked like a fine minnesota christmas morn.

Una loved Bobby D like a son and they lived happily ever after. Brad however, stayed paralyzed and was put in Neglected Oaks Nursing home where Suzan worked. So Una volunteered during the day giving him water and Suzan changed his diapers at night.

THE END

Author's Note

*the ex-wife used to work overnights, so it was usually me putting the kids to bed, and being who i am, one of the things i used to do with the oldest is we would write bedtime stories together. her or i would pick a subject and we would each write a short little story about it, read it to each other, and then she'd be off to sleep. the subjects would usually be about her cat Tiger, her home-made homage to Robert DeNiro (yeah, i had something to do with that) teddy bear his name is "bobby d", sometimes it's the infamous tales of Grandma Gertie, and once in awhile a giant squid. in any case, i thought i would share this one that got me into trouble with their mom and grandma...enjoy...

Reviews

[Detective Watts]

Reminds me of that simpsons episode.
"I cleaned up all my old war stories for her. Like how we charged into the Cuddle Bears snuggle bunker and burned them to death with our tickle throwers. They say the more Cuddle Bears you tickle the easier it gets, well i can tell you, it doesn't.

[Michael of Gilead]

ummmm....B, there are a bunch of bears outside my door....

[paul]

teddy bear with a jaded past - brilliant
very inventive. a joy to read

[Emma Lee]

You wrote this for your kid? Holy s**t you are one epic Dude... Will you come be my adopted father?! I would love to be your kid!!

Lmao. XD

-~- Love Emily -~-

[Dark Empress]

I enjoyed this

[Brad]

i never claimed to be a good dad...hahaha

[No use.]

you wrote this with your kid?!!! ...........
you are one crazed daddy but awesome!!

[No use.]

first off, before I even go further, you got me spitting out my drink because crazed images of insanity's bear are now attacking my brain. thank you hahahaha

[Jami Nicole]

This just made my day. Thank you for sharing this. :D

Love, Jami

[Bubo]

Great story! I could really do with a teddy like that :)
Amazing what imagination kids have........and I loved your note........you both should think about publishing!