The Hum

Inspired by a song called "Forest Families" written by The Knife. Structurally seems more like a "story", but the attitude to me feels more comparable to a "poem".

And then passed the final car hum. 

 

Silence invited us.  The earth hiccuped, sounding of snapping twigs and crinkling orange leaves.  We marched in a line disrupted only by the natural obstacles between us.  We were children then.

 

It was agreed that the language needed to change.  To allow anything of the former world to bleed into this new culture would simply be inadequate.  When we couldn't inspire the world to change, we decided to start over.  This meant everything would be different.  This meant never turning back.

 

Even our names changed.  Names unpronouncable by the human tongue, names the wind and earth held close.  Names whose syllables and inflections were not of the mouth and throat, but of the spirit and mind.  Names that the outsiders could not even begin to comprehend or pollute or scandalize.  We were, finally, reclaiming what was ours.

 

When we slept we dreamt of our mothers.  They, who so submissively became what we feared we would become.  They, who assumed their roles because they believed they had free will and could function as if they weren't a subordinate part of the culture.  They, whom we love so dearly.  For a moment, we could almost convince ourselves that the cold rocks on which our heads lay were our mother's soft breasts, and the leaves were her arms. 

 

But even that moment wasn't enough to bring us back.

Author's Note

Please tell me what you think. What worked? Any lines stand out? And in terms of theme, what did you get from this?

Reviews

[Paige Hensel]

I don't think I have anything bad to say about this write. The line that struck me the most was, "When we couldn't inspire the world to change, we decided to start over". That just hits me in a way I can't explain. I love the whole idea of "everything changing". Just another line I thought was creative and also hit me was, "Names whose syllables and inflections were not of the mouth and throat, but of the spirit and mind."
I like that your writing can be interpreted in so many ways. That is one thing that intrigues me when I read a poem or story. Also, I got the attitude more of a story rather than a poem, but I can see where poem could come across from it. I wish I had your writing skills. Great job.