See what comes eh?

First thing I'm writing in a while. Might not be good sorry for that. Will get edited by girl when she gets back so there's that at least.

"Get over here you're going to miss it. Hurry up get over here you're going to miss it."

"O.K., O.K. I'll be right over." Yeah like I really wanted to see it. I don't know why I hung out with these people. It was such a bore. Every night the same thing. Oh the shows changed but every night the same thing did it really change? Did anything ever really change?

I mean it was better that things didn't change right? That there was nothing new going on in life. Was this life?

That was years ago.

This is now. A room alone. Eating alone. Sleeping alone. Talking alone. Well if I feel like taking. Does it matter. They say if you don't use it you will lose. Funny never hear anyone say I lost my voice because I haven't talked in a long time. So it can't be true.

Those voices that are inside are still there right? That thing that is you is still inside you?

What makes you more mature then when you were a kid? The fact that you can sleep with the lights off now? The fact that you can go to bed when you want to? Is it the insomnia and the ulcer that makes you an adult now. No that can't be you've had a hard time sleeping for as long as you can remember. For most of your life you've been tired.

Tired. I'm tired. I don't feel like doing that right now I'm tired. I thought you got enough rest you slept like 12 hours. Maybe I wasn't an insomniac maybe I just wanted to claim a disease and one that would add to be cool. Something cool  but something that wasn't going to f**k you up or rob your bank.

F**k like that even mattered? Bank like there was a bank account off shore somewhere and it would be a shame if someone got a hold of my information.

I'm going to miss it. And what was I missing life. Life was going by. But what was life now?

What made life, life? Was it going out to movies? Being able to say that you've seen this movies that you've read this book that you did this? At the end of day go home and sleep.

Sleep oh such a dream. Why do you sleep so long one of his friends said. One of his friends said when he was on that level where he needed friends.

He had convinced himself that he had transcended that as well. Anything that he couldn't have he just believed that he transcended it. He had no need to read books all the knowledge was out there. You just had to live life to get more. Books could only take you so far. You had to look in yourself. And that's what he did when he was doing nothing but sleep.

His dreams were so vivid there was no need for a t.v.  there was no need for a mate there was no need for friends. Why would he need any of those things he was beyond all those things. Those things only weighed you down.

But that wasn't the truth. The truth was that he was an a*****e he had been. He had been his whole life. And that wasn't going to change any time soon. He would like to believe all these things about enlightenment but it just wasn't true. He was lazy.

And sometimes these truths came out but they came out in burst like at the end of a long jerk off session or a short one. You know it's all relative really. Einstein.

If you could wake in the night and be somewhere else where would you be?

I would be in a cabin out there just out there. Catching my food hunting my food picking berries and nuts and stuff like that. Come home drink some drink. And then write I guess.

Why did it always come back to the core thing of wanting to write.

Writing never really got people anywhere. It was one of those weird things that didn't make a lick of sense at all. Why would you want to live way out in the middle of no where but still want to be able to write. And even if what that actually meant was to type on a computer. Or type on a type writer. And just have boxes upon boxes to write things on.

What would it matter. Everything dies. Everyone you know will be dead. And it wouldn't matter it's just a matter of time. You feel those pains that's time getting in. You can't go as long that's just time.

Time f*****g time. And writing was a waste of it. And yet it wasn't. It wasn't because it was in writing where time slowed down. Where his mind would slow down. Where he wouldn't be thinking a million different things all at once. But he still was thinking of million different things. But it was slowed down enough so that he could at least get this next line out. And hopefully slow enough where he wasn't skipping words.

Writing is that what he should be doing with life?

But the night just would not end. The sun would be coming up soon and then what the end of another day or the beginning of another? Which is it? Relative?

"Come here sit down. Now watch this part this is the best part. You have to pay attention to this part. You see this is the part where the whole movie comes together."

"I don't like."

"How can you say that you don't like it?"

"I'm just kidding." Man really try and be honest with people and you have to realize that there are feelings involved.

What would happen if he just broke it. Broke the t.v. broke them. Just broke himself. Nothing, nothing would happen. Well something would happen eventually.

People would call the cops about the smell later on or the landlord would come inside or something. Give it a few weeks and they would rent out the room again to someone else. But what would happen to all the stuff? Well some of it would be broken so there wouldn't be much use. And the parts that wouldn't be broken would probably be stained. So it wouldn't matter.

But that didn't happen. Like every other thing in life it just sort of fell away. It just slipped away. Once it was there. Once there was more than enough but now wasn't that time. Now there was barely enough to keep going. Praying for help from some unknown force out there. 

Author's Note

Grammars probably all wrong.