Trombone Summer Streets

A half finished song! Work in progress...

Trombone Summer Streets

 

On Trombone summer streets

Of early August

Pavements breathe with dust

And sin and sweat

And a girl with silver buttons

In her eyes

Holds a boy with the sad clutch

Of regret

 

With her gap-toothed smile

And gypsy hair

She waves a hand aloft

Towards the weather

He’ll watch her disappear

Through city streets

With thoughts he’s too afraid

To tell her

 

And while the Big Easy sleeps off

Her southern sadness

He lies awake

To watch the circus sky

And tomorrow with his jean pockets empty

And his collar pulled up tight

He’ll catch the bus to freedom

Away from southern climes

 

Reviews

[Jaffa Forbes]

I really like this - great title! I think it works well either as a poem or a song, but it can be both I guess. Erm... awesome imagery! 'Circus sky' - makes sense in a strange way... Personally I think the form is fine, but that's because I write poetry with very little form at all... And personally I think repetition of her and he is fine too, just because that's what the poems about - her and him. But that's my opinion.
Jaff :)

[Lorna Hutchison]

Thank you for your advice M.J. It's more a song than a poem. I take your advice on board however, it is a work in progress. CHeers, Lorna