Again My Sleep Eludes Me

For those that have loved from afar in anticipation of that first tender moment together...and the hopes of a happily ever after.

 

Once again sleep is eluding me, though

thoughts of you are soothing to me;

I dream of your tender touch, but sadly,

Love, these dreams aren’t enough.

 

Your smile melts my heart, and our

 love has a promising start. I ache in

anticipation of our first kiss, for I know,

together, we will find happiness.

 

Our  love has already grown strong from

a passion lain dormant for much too long;

with all that we have both been through,

here’s my heart, My Love, and I give it

to you…guard it well, I have trust in you.

Author's Note

Be gentle, this is my first, but be honest...I value your input.

Reviews

[Collette]

"Once again sleep is eluding me, though
thoughts of you are soothing to me;"

This is a very, very solid opening. Well penned...the internal rhyming is right on key. It immediately jumped out and pulled me into your piece.

"here's my heart, My Love, and I give it
to you�guard it well, I have trust in you."

These lines seem a little choppy, and the rhyme is forced a bit too hard. Perhaps you could restructure it, add a variety of different vocabulary.

You have a very solid start, and the ideas and emotions are definitely there. I would take some time to go back and try to restructure stanzas two and three. Like I said, with a little fine-tuning, this piece could be even more brilliant than it already appears.
Keep writing, the talent is obviously there!!