Ice and Blood

I'm sorry

My breath clouded out around me somewhere in the distance a Morepork hooted its haunting cry “Morepork…Morepork”.

The snow crunched under foot and the Kauri trees stood like dark sentinels around me. I knew what I had to do and I knew how to do it but still I was nervous. I wouldn’t be hard I told myself and after that I will have a companion, someone to travel through all eternity with.

You see people like me never really die we just fade through varying degrees of existence but we never really die.

And now I knew how to make someone or something that could travel the long span of eternity with me. So why was I so scared? I knew the risks, but my people had been doing this for centuries so why would it go wrong for me. I reached a place where the trees thinned into a clearing, the ground was nearly free of ferns and the snow was thick and fresh. Perfect. I checked my list for the things I needed. Seven tui feathers. Check. The tail of a skink. Check. A life base. Ah I still need that.

When I had all the items, save for the life base, I chose a place where the snow was thick and buried the other things. Now all I need is the life base and I know just where to find that. I headed back through the forest till I reached the rangers cottage. No one will miss him, he has no family anyway. I knocked on the door, three loud raps with my knuckles. There was I good deal of noise from inside. The door was soon opened be a bleary look man who I knew to be the park ranger. “Good lord” he said, his thick Kiwi accent thickened with sleep “What in the devil are you doing out here, and at midnight too”. “Oh please mister” I said, making sure my teeth chattered, “My brother fell and is badly hurt please come”. I rangers face lost all its colour “Of course I will come, where is he?” “This way follow me”. I led the ranger to the clearing. “Oh please he is under that pile of snow”. The ranger bent down.

I pulled my knife from my belt as the ranger started to dig in the snow. I struck him hard to the back of the head, he fell with a cry and I struck him again. The ranger lay face down in the snow his blood blossoming scarlet across its white sheen. Yes, see that wasn’t so hard. I started to sculpt a body from the blood stained snow. After I had made a rough figure I uttered the words my creator had taught me. The snow began to take shape the face beginning to have more features and the body more definition. He was not human that much was clear. His skin and hair were the colour of freshly fallen snow and eyelids and lips were blue, not sky blue, corpse blue. His eyelids fluttered and his eyes opened for the first time. But something was wrong. Something was wrong in the way his eyes flicked and flashed. I started to back away. What had I done!? The snow boy rose and his ice blue eyes searched the clearing till they came to rest on me. He flashed a wicked, hungry smile showing pointed white teeth, like icicles. My back hit I tree so I had to stop. It came towards me. Oh what have I done!? I came close and his breath was ice cold on my face. He sniffed the air and hunger flashed in his eyes as his finger felt the warmth of my neck. I opened my mouth to scream but the scream never left my throat. Frozen. Like I said we never die so now here I lay and the snow covers my body, here for all eternity.

And now he is free.

I’m sorry.

Amazing

Dec 17, 2014

Fictional Story!

© 2015 Valkyrie Warrior

Author's Note

Quite plain but it's my first story of this elk.

My Review

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Featured Review

Konigin

I LOVED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was fantastic and I wanna hear more about this character!!!! :D Fabulous!

Nitpicks/ Suggestions:
¨I wouldn't be hard¨ do you mean ¨It would be hard¨?
¨I will have a companion someone to travel¨ I suggest a comma between ¨companion¨ and ¨someone¨
¨existents ¨ Wrong spelling here... it would be ¨existence¨
¨So why was I so scared I knew the risks but¨ Perhaps fragment the sentence a little here? End the part ¨so scared" with a question mark and the pick up a new sentence.
¨the ground the nearly free of fern and the snow was thick and fresh.¨ I stumbled here... I knew what you were trying to say and the imagery was beautiful... but maybe change up the wording a little??
¨He flashed I wicked, hungry smile showing pointed white teeth, like icicles.¨ Um... you're all sorts of crazy in this sentence... I couldn't really make heads or tails of it...

*I am not trying to upset you or take away from your wonderful writing with my nitpicks. I give these suggestions so that you can better yourself and become a stronger writer! You have SOOOO much potential Lorna!!! I want to see to see you grow into that 5-star novelist one day! ^.^

I love, love, loved it!!! I can't wait to read more of your writing! :) Superb pen girlie!!

Posted 10 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

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10 Years Ago

Yeah it's pretty awesome

10 Years Ago

Good morning! :)

10 Years Ago

Good morning to you too, what time is it?

Reviews

Workvio

A cute little twist of a story, dark and gruesome in intensity culminating in your character getting exactly what he deserved, much like the mad scientists found within those older stories of yesteryear ...

Posted 9 Years Ago

9 Years Ago

Thank you!

Samuel Dickens

I think you're a good story teller and this has potential, but it's in serious need of a good edit. As an example, look at these two sentences--"There was I good deal of noise from inside. The door was soon opened be a bleary look man who I knew to be the park ranger."
Especially, you need to pay closer attention to punctuation.

Posted 9 Years Ago

9 Years Ago

Thank you! Yeah sorry about that, dyslexia :S

Marie

A very chilling story (no pun intended). Trying to creat life, whether it be a Frankenstein's monster or a golem, is a bad idea. You capture this idea perfectly.
One techincal suggestion"

So why w I knew the risks, but my people had been doing this for century’s so why would it go wrong for... (Don't make century possesive; it's "centuries".)

Posted 9 Years Ago

9 Years Ago

Thank you Marie, oops, I will change that :)

Konigin

Posted 10 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

View 47 more replies

10 Years Ago

Yeah it's pretty awesome

10 Years Ago

Good morning! :)

10 Years Ago

Good morning to you too, what time is it?

Charles Leighton

Good story. How about breaking it into paragraphs and making the font larger. hard to read.

Posted 10 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

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10 Years Ago

Is that better?

10 Years Ago

excellent. i like it.

10 Years Ago

Cool I'm glad

Coyote Poetry

A very good story. You made me want to know more. I wanted to know the who, why, when, where and how of the story. I like the tone of the story. This would be a good lead for a longer and more detailed story. Had strong character, good location and death. Thank you for sharing the excellent short story.
Coyote

Posted 10 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

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10 Years Ago

Thank you I will write more :)

10 Years Ago

I enjoyed the tale. Left me with the need to know more.

10 Years Ago

I will write more :)

Stats

492 Views
6 Reviews

Added on November 13, 2014
Last Updated on July 7, 2015
Tags: blood, resurrection

Author

Valkyrie Warrior

Vallhallah , My mind

About

Hello again I have decided to return to this community for real this time. Sorry to all those who sent me read requests, I am getting on to those as you read this :) more..