There's only one thing I'm afraid of, and that is

I hope this fits :)

There's only one thing I'm afraid of, and that is...

Vampires

But there's no way to avoid them and if I don’t get what daddy needs he'll kill me.

But they might kill me.

I turned down the driveway leading a large house. I could hear the blood pumping in my ears, and I bet they could to. The glass bottles clinked in my pocket. I saw one, sitting on the porch. It didn’t move as I approached. It was looking into the garden and I could see its profile in the moonlight. It was a man, with a straight lined nose and a strong jaw with full lips and dark hair. I stepped on the porch and stopped.

This wasn’t the Vampire I came to see.

I took two steps back as the man rose.

“Hello” he said his voice was very smooth, “You must be the little V collector”.

 I turned and ran.

Of course he was faster than me.

I felt the pain as his fangs met my throat and I felt the scream tear my lungs

I wonder if daddy will mind if I don’t get home tonight.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Third

Nov 27, 2014

• Finish the Story 7

   

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[C. Rose]

A few typos
"there no way to avoid"
"we will kill me"
"they could to"

You have a very readable and engaging voice (of course he was faster than me)
I like the ending - that the child is more concerned about her father than death.
Perhaps the one fear is her father, not the vampire.

I challenge you to add more emotion (terror, sadness, pain) in between the second to last and the last line.

[Valkyrie Warrior]

Thank you very much. Oops I will fix them :S

[Coyote Poetry]

A very good short story. You create possibility, danger and realness. I like the logical tone in the words. A sad ending to the tale or is it more? Thank you for sharing the short story.
Coyote

[Valkyrie Warrior]

Thank you i wrote it for a contest

[Coyote Poetry]

A complete tale is so few words. This is very good.

[Valkyrie Warrior]

:) you are to kind.

[Coyote Poetry]

I have been reading for 40 plus years. I'm still learning. Writing is a lifetime effort.

[Valkyrie Warrior]

I have just got into writing this year but my parents have been very supportive

[Coyote Poetry]

You will get better. Read a lot and will expand your thoughts and words. I go searching for new words.

[Valkyrie Warrior]

I have been reading since I was four years old.....so nine years.

[Coyote Poetry]

That is very good. You write very well. Keep going deeper into the good books. The Drydens, Jack London and any good writer. I read one book weekly and 500 plus poem and stories. Keep my writing improving.

[Valkyrie Warrior]

Same same! I love a good book I can devourer a novel that I love in 30 minutes flat.

[Coyote Poetry]

That is very good. I'm off to sleep. I work the night shift. Please send read requests. I will as soon as possible.

[Valkyrie Warrior]

Ok Night Night.

[Valkyrie Warrior]

Please read my story, Escape!