Breathless

Whether love is good or bad we are always left Breathless.

Breathless 

By

Carlos Lorenzo Estrada 

(If love is truly equal then we are both to blame; for destruction)

Monochrome love in darkness

Eyelids flutter like moth wings against streetlight pallor, 

tear tracks glistening as sacramental warpaint

Upon patina stained marble masques 

Love has a price most are too blind to see.

how many heirs shall we plant in this poisoned soil?

I carved our initials where my soul used to bleed.

All my knives... turned to feathers in your hands.

Slides off him with pornographic slowness 

keep ruining me, little apocalypse. 

Before the world remembers we exist,

Dawn stains the ruined backseat crimson, 

illuminating runic scratches she'd carved into leather 

during crescendo.

Drown me...Drown me...Drown me til I'm 

...Breathless. 

Author's Note

I once asked my muse 'If love is truly equal as many yearn for it to be, then when it becomes a cluster $%#& aren't we both to blame?' I asked in my naiveté. And in her typical Cate Blanchett reaction she replied batting her eyes at me and with a sultry reply, "Don't be an asshole."

Reviews

[Dylan Macadham]

This one hits home with me, and probably with most people in romantic relationships. There's nothing better that when it goes well, and nothing worse that when it doesn't. Somedays it's like walking in a minefield :)

[Betty Hermelee]

A beautifully written piece, dear Carlos; this shows me love is never completely equal ; ...nor passion as well, because each of us is unique and so it's balance, like a see-saw.....your words are extraordinary...."Dawn stains the ruined back seat crimson"... nice metaphor...what I believe is that you might want more from her that she can give to you..."Keep ruining me"...a great line...and the last phrase could come from a movie...Hollywood! Good to have to back, I love your writing, it is special!
Warmly, B

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you for the kind words you've written on this piece. This actually took quite a few months to write and rewrite through edits. It was well worth it for me personally. It is meant to be very cinematic in its prose and metaphors. I felt the poem screamed noir like in its presentation. It's probably also the most erotic thing I've ever written. Though there is actually hidden meaning behind this work as I left this to be more ambiguous. But I'll share a bit of a secret. I was born the second child of three boys. My mother had me out of wedlock. I would not find this out until my early 20s, but by then the damage had been wrought by years of hidden lies. This perhaps speaks to my mother's choices in life. They have had profound consequences in both her life and my own. Hence the line, how many heirs shall we paint in this poisoned soil. In time I have found that my own self destructive choices in relationships have very much echoed my mother's. The harder I've tried to be less like her I've found out of all her children I am more like her. She is in these words as much as I am, which saddens me. But that is just how poetry and the art reveal itself to us. Thank you again for your words on this poem. CLE

[Betty Hermelee]

Dear Carlos...thank you sharing some very personal events in your life...not easy to live some issues with my mother and when people tell me i look like her, I cringe!! growing up isn't for sissies !
my pleasure always, B

[Betty Hermelee]

Thank you Carlos for your honest appraisal of your early years and especially your relationship with your mother...i can tell you that I had issues with my mother and now people tell me that I look her!!!
Warmly, B

[John Prophet]

Wonderful work. You’re a talented poetic.

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Coming from one whose poetic style I admire and respect this really means a lot to me. I appreciate the kind words for they encourage my progression forward in hopes to someday write a poem I can be proud of and consider my best. Now, I'm not a greedy person by nature so I'll just take one poem, LOL. Thank you so much again for everything. CLE

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

“Monochrome love in darkness
Eyelids flutter like moth wings against streetlight pallor,
tear tracks glistening as sacramental warpaint”
I feel your artistry come alive in passionate metaphor, emotion,imagery Carlos.I feel the colors and the tides in your beautiful work. I am immersed in your work from beginning to ending exhale. Bravo my friend!

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me on this poem. I worked on this for a few months. This was just one of those pieces that was constantly in flux. I had an idea and theme but was constantly erasing and restarting from scratch, even as I neared the end. I wanted each line if possible to resonate with image and emotion. Like a 30s and 40s noir movie. Yet, contemporary in its feel. Contrasting striking images with its message embedded in between. It's a bit different from my preferred ryhme style but I really loved crafting this piece. It challenged me as a writer. And I enjoyed the journey it took me on. Thank you once more for your kind words. CLE

[Neville]

I am so bloomin glad I felt drawn to this page today .. It would have been a travesty to have missed out on the treat you have left here for us to find Carlos .. excellent ink & most perfectly spilled .. indeed, tis one of those well worth visiting time and again .. I now hope that others shall be similarly inclined to visit in the wake I have purposefully left for them to find and follow .. Kind regards and with much respect, Neville

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Many thanks, my friend. You are too kind. Writing this poem was a bit out of my comfort zone. I have a profound love of ryhme as everyone knows. But I'm especially proud of this particular piece because it captures my short story writing style as it evolves. The stark images are meant to almost be subliminal. The themes resonated with me and it was like trying to capture stardust in a net. You know that moment that we as writers ride in the creative process of being in the zone, yet being inundated with too much you fail to grasp it all. With the most important parts too fleeting to grasp. Even if only one person reads it I can say it was worth the few months I took writing it. And your kind words made it that much more worth it, Neville. I can't thank you enough, truly. CLE

[Neville]

My absolute pleasure CLE .. Neville 👍