A simple poem...

of course I'm being facetious. I know poetry is not as easy as it looks. (Saying this as Muse has gun to my head).

A simple poem...

(About Love)

By

Carlos Lorenzo Estrada 

Write me a poem 

that sings with each verse

That dances like music 

emotes with each word

Write me a poem 

that paints with each line

In superfluous colors

which sparkle in ryhme 

Write me a poem 

with scent so divine

In lilac and roses

magnetic sublime 

Write me a poem 

of sorrow and woe

Melancholic in nature 

despondent in flow

Write me a poem

that describes every touch 

Which tingles the senses 

and fulfills every lust 

Write me a poem 

with all of these things 

Recited from knowledge 

transcendent as Spring 

And when you have written 

such things as above 

You'll finally comprehend

this feeling called love

Author's Note

My muse asked of me "What do you know about love?" I was taking aback by her question and somewhat defensive. I explained my trials and tribulations that defined my love life throughout my 57 years of life. She replied after my long winded explanation, "So you know nothing!" Again, I took offense to her comment going into further details about my experience of love. "Still doesn't change the fact you know nothing about love!" She said in calm tone while blowing on her freshly painted fingernails. " I know a lot about love!" was my retort. "No you don't because you've never been married, old man, and know nothing about loving anything greater than yourself." Touche. She had a point. Feel free to comment, troll, or laugh at my expense. CLE

Reviews

[Chops]

There are some really nice word choices here. They happen to rhyme but the words are interesting even without attending to the rhyme or meter. And it nicely captures the many aspects of emotion, from elation to sorrow to melancholy. Very nice!

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you I appreciate your insightful comment on this poem. When writing this piece I wasn't sure where it was going until the very end. Love is such a difficult, subjective, and revealing emotion to write about. It comes from an individual perspective that many times may differ from others, or have relatable similarities. I myself would never claim to be an expert on the subject of this emotion. Perhaps only on its pain. But it never stops me from trying to learn more about it, as well as learn from it. I feel in some ways one can never master or become expert on this thing called Love. We can only ever learn to live with it, or not. Thank you kindly again for your thoughts.

[Temperance]

Hi Carolos, such an enjoyable poem. I didn't know where it was headed until I read the last few lines. Your build up enveloped the feeling of love. Thank you! Temp

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you, Temp, for your thoughts on this poem. I had a similar experience writing this in that I wasn't sure where it was going. Usually a word or line will come to mind. This piece started with its first line and went from there. It almost has a pessimistic view on the subject it speaks of. But then its wisdom is revealed in the end. When it comes to love many prefer action rather than words. Yet, words capture sentiment and emotion that convey a heart's intent. One may prove by action but what meaning is derived from it if the words are never spoken. Poetry on love is difficult to write because every experience is different. We come at it from an individual perspective that may not be relatable to the view of others. But as writers we often recognize we don't always have control over the art we create, or its message. We can only hope it has resonance in the heart of the reader. Thank you so much for your comment.

[Temperance]

Always a pleasure.

[Toni.S]

Very nice, with a great and unexpected ending.

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you Toni for sharing your thoughts on this poem. The subject of love is always difficult to write about because we can only draw from our individual perspective. Not everyone loves the same way or have the same experiences. We may aspire to love in similar fashion but many may settle for less, or require greater than our wants. I feel this somewhat playful and serendipitous piece may speak to that nature. Thank you so much again for your comment.

[W. Barrett Munn]

Carlos, the first thing that captures me about this work is its musicality which carries reader to the end. The next thing I went back for was for all the amazing techniques of slant and assonance and consonance and a bit of alliteration which wiped away any sense of forced rhyme into a glorious whole of a wonderful descriptive message. Totally enjoyed this one, Carlos
Winston

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you kindly, Winston, for your comment on this poem. I apologize for the late reply I have not been feeling well as of late. I make a concerted effort to allow a piece of writing to evolve and slowly define itself. Rarely will I release something I wrote the same day or even a couple. I tend to put it to the side and proofread and rework it. At times this goes on for a few days, weeks, or even months depending on whether I see a vital message in the point the piece may be attempting to convey. For me personally it has to resonate with the audience on an emotional level. It has to have something within it that a person can identify with. Years ago one of my creative writing teachers critiqued my work by saying I was too emotional as a writer. Of course I was because I was a teenager at that time. It is an age where we are at our highest emotional level as human beings. Because the emotions we feel are being defined within us for the first time and we are learning to grapple with them. To learn and adjust to them. My instructor would preach nuance and simplicity. Don't force the writing into an emotional commentary. Note he was also the high school newspaper instructor. He viewed it from the lense newscasters like Walter Cronkite and David Brinkley. Straight and to the point without any viewpoint skewing the message. Trying to make him happy with the homework I submitted was beyond difficult. Then in my advanced lit class I was taught by a teacher who viewed writing differently. Much more to my liking and also supportive, as well as encouraging. I feel I have developed more pride in my work because of him and the lessons in writing he taught. Not everything is going to be at the highest standards and that is fine, but to not allow a piece to develop and shape itself into its nature is a disservice to the art. It's why I try very hard to practice what I preach. I have so many pieces that are under developed or just portions ready to be flushed out. And in time will eventually. But it has to ring musically to me in order to be released and find an audience. I feel wholeheartedly that is what we owe to the art within us. A bit of temperance, patience, pride, and love. Thank you kindly again my friend for sharing your thoughts with me. I truly appreciate it.

[W. Barrett Munn]

Thanks. This site for me is a sounding board where I post what is rarely a finished work. It gives me distance to forget about it then look again in days or even weeks later.
I had no creative writing training. I am self-taught if such a thing exists.
Winston

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

You are a remarkable writer Winston. I feel in many ways we are all poets and storytellers. The only level of difference is finding the courage to speak and share your art with the world. When a person has found it within themselves to reveal their art to the world whether in a book, website, or any other public forum they have taken the first step as a writer. From their it is up to the audience to decide whether the work resonates or affects them on a human level. To me I judge success on a piece by a single comment. If one person says to me they enjoyed reading a particular writing then that is more than enough for me. It more than compensates for the time it took to bring those words into being. Thank you kindly again my friend and fellow poet.

[light and ashes]

This is pretty amazing.
Perfect for spoken word.
Im going to give you the highest score.
100

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you, thank you, thank you. You're too kind and I so appreciate your sweet comment on this piece. I really feel the same as you do in your insightful thoughts. This really would be nice as a spoken word. If I wasn't so shy a person speaking in front of a group of people I would definitely choose this along with a couple of other pieces I wrote to recite at a reading. This poem and 'An Infinite Sorrow' are both I feel have a flow and resonance to them that would do good as spoken word. If I ever get the guts there is a cafe in old Town Monterey that has an open mic night for poetry. I just don't do well with crowds though. Thank you so much again, your comment made my day.

[light and ashes]

You are so very welcome, and I am so glad. :)
You should really give it a try.

[John Prophet]

Not much on love poems but this one has style. Nice write ✍️
JP

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you JP for your comment on this poem. In all honesty I'm not much of a poet when it comes to writing about love. I tend to enjoy writing about darker subjects, but sometimes I feel the need to balance myself. Writing too much on heavier things can really be a downer and leave me depressed for weeks. So on occasion I try to shine a little light on an otherwise dark soul like my own. I find it's better than being self medicated and not being able to write at all. Thank you so much again my friend.

[Coyote Poetry]

A wonderful dance of words for love Carlos. I liked the flow of thoughts and the amazing ending. Thank you for sharing the outstanding poetry for love.
Coyote

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you CP for your thoughts on this piece. It is always appreciated my friend. Despite the simplicity of this poem it was a struggle for me to release it. I just wasn't sure and still am hesitant in the completion of this poem. We as writers are never truly happy at times with a finished product. We always feel we could have done better. Thank you kindly again for your kind thoughts.

[Coyote Poetry]

Love for men and women is different now. We forget. There are good and bad days. We must overcome both and you are welcome Carlos .

[Stella Armour]

This is soooooooo lovely .
In simple to understand terms you have unravelled the mystery of what love actually is :)

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you Stella for your comment on this poem I appreciate it. This poem was really a struggle to write and flesh out despite its simplicity. The poem should actually end on the line "transcendent as Spring". But I wasn't sure if the message would be lost so I added the last few lines. I feel that may have been a mistake on my part. I should trust the audience will find the message themselves instead of me putting it there. I feel it made me look pretentious in a way. I need to trust my intuition more. It's a learning lesson. Thank you kindly again.

[Chris Shaw]

Your couplets use clear language, nothing complex to describe love which is complex at times. I very much enjoyed the flow and impression left by after reading. Great poem Carlos. All your work is consistently high in its standards. Have a good Thursday.

Chris

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you Chris for the kind comment on this poem. As I mentioned to Jacob I really struggled with this poem despite its simplicity. I feel I should trust my intuition more. And not force messages but allow them to be more organic. As time goes on and I go from one writing to the next I feel a step forward towards that goal as a writer. I struggled with this piece for quite a few days not sure if I should have released it. I'm so grateful that it resonated with readers but still feel I may have forced the ending instead of leaving it at its original end which was the line "transcendent as Spring". I should have trusted the audience would find the message on their own instead of feeling I needed to just confirm it by adding more unnecessary words. But I'm still growing in this craft and learning to improve and more importantly trust my intuition. Thank you so so much again for your words of encouragement.

[Chris Shaw]

You are very welcome Carlos. Sometimes we can over think our poetry. I do believe many of us struggle with that. Some of mine I have tinkered with for ages before I post. The readers at the end of the day will tell us how we have fared. Have a good weekend poet.

[W. Barrett Munn]

I like everything you said here, Carlos, starting with your "About" page. Poetry has a special place in literature - in my view it establishes the pecking order by arranging everything below it.
In this poem, you have done it great justice.
Winston

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me on this piece, Winston. I truly appreciate it. Writing short stories have always been my love of craft, but in poetry I feel a challenge like no other before. Even in the simplest of poems there is a complexity behind it. In my reply to Jacob I spoke of my struggles with this art form. It is so challenging to me in so many ways. But I feel wholeheartedly that that it is a gift to writers. It teaches one discipline, structure, and progression. One can actually see their improvement with each passing piece written. It's like the old adage that one can not learn to walk until they first take a step. And once proficiency is gained they can take flight. Art is progression. If one is not constantly learning and growing it then art dies inside. Thank you again my friend for your encouraging words.