In All These Little Things

The secrets we keep can hold life altering pain for others long after we are gone.

In All These Little Things

(Mementos)

By

Carlos Lorenzo Estrada

 

In a box hidden away from the world

Filled with tokens of desire and sorrow 

In remnants of past haunted affections

Within little things taken and borrowed 

Novelties poignant hoarded by heart

Foibles strewn in secretive reliquary

Reminders of the piece of us so hidden

In the depths of our souls that we bury

But what should come to light; affirm

Amongst the things we seek to conceal 

For purloin passions breed broken hearts

In unhappiness and angst that's revealed

Old love letters wrapped in red ribbon

Hidden from view of the past

Yet time has a way of revealing its truth

In the webs of the lies that we cast...

Author's Note

"Mommy issues!" my muse Cate asked me, while rocking my old body in her arms like a baby.
"Why, no. Why would you ask?" I said and than requested her to hand me my pacifier on the nightstand by my bed. Oedipus Rex...I hardly knew him? It is strange the lies and secrets kept hidden can profoundly effect generationally. Pain has the lasting effects to last beyond our lives and choices. Feel free to comment, troll, or leave kind thoughts. CLE

Reviews

[Donna]

I do have a box of secrets, letters, photos & everything that means so much to me. The truth always comes out in the end. When I leave this world, my adult kids or grandkids will get to see what's in my box. I did enjoy your poem very much. Hey, we are almost neighbors! Lol

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Yes we are lol. This poem was such a cathartic experience for me now that I look back on it. There are so many hidden meanings behind the words and between them. Much I have revealed in replies to the comments below. But I feel the bit of ambiguity it has makes it relatable to each individual who reads it and finds significance in the work. I feel we as artists strive to create art that can do just that. Because it makes what we have created easier to touch every heart. Thank you kindly Donna for your kind comment on this poem.

[Temperance]

I think we all have those little, or big, boxes we stash our momentous things from days gone by. Some of what I have posted on this site were recently found in an old filing cabinet in the attic. Written during a passionate relationship that spanned many years so, yes, they are among my treasures and, have sparked that passion for writing again. It's the web of lies that can uncover what we have hidden. Love this, Carlos....my new friend!!

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank so Temperance for the kind comment you have shared with me about this poem. I really appreciate it and am happy it sparked a memory for you. That is the true power of art. When I wrote this I saw so many things that sprang to mind about my life in relation to these words. At first I felt the writing was vague and ambiguous. Not really looking at the meaning of significance it may have to me on a personal level. But as I proof read it a few times I beg to see with some clarity. Much life a foggy mirror after a shower. I discussed this with Lisa just below your comment. I have found a bit of catharsis in these words which illuminate the person I have become. Sometimes we fool ourselves into believing we truly know who we are. When in essence we don't, because just like that mist covered mirror we are blinded by the truth and see only fragments of our imagination of who we want to be. Thank you Temperance for the art you share and your friendship which is just as precious.

[Temperance]

I have only been on this site for a short time but, have learned so much from you and the other poets I've read. You have all been very supportive and encouraging and I appreciate you all so very much!

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Welcome Temperance to this wonderful community of writers. We are lucky to have you as a part of it. Keep writing and never stop because you never know that the art you create can change someone's life and make a profound difference in it. Your voice has meaning and never doubt the power of your words. We learn from you as much as you do from us. Thank you again for sharing your thoughts with me on this poem.

[Lisasview]

Oh goodness if we could truly view the past Secrets...things hidden... private things..would it really change us??
I am a keeper of many things..letters for one.. these hold memories that are important to me... That is probably why I have everything I have ever written.. and, that is a very long stretch of time..
My philosophy is that if secrets are kept by parents then those secrets belong to them..not to me.. so they really should not have any effect on my life..oh gosh..now i am rambling on..
Lisa, happy in Spain

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you Lisa for commenting on this poem. Secrets can have such profound power over lives and can resonate to generations. I am the embodiment of such a hidden secret. My mother had an affair outside her marriage and I was born from that. For years family members who knew the truth kept silent because in my culture it is very much frowned upon because of religious beliefs. It is a sin. And what is born from that is considered sinful fruit. Throughout my life I was treated with a dismissive indifference by family members. As if I didn't count. Years I suffered through this along with the abuses from the man I thought was my father. My mother wouldn't tell me until she was finally forced to be my grandmother. I was about 19 yrs of age by then. I can't begin to tell you the great impact this has had in my life. I feel after reading this poem that I have come to the conclusion that I am the box that holds these heartbreaking pernicious secrets. Of all the lies my mother told me and led me to believe. Her private things things that she felt belonged only to her, selfishly. Believing falsely they would never have effect or impact in my life. When in reality they did in the worst way. She was not alone though in the keeping of secrets. This poem is written with the intent of ambiguity. For behind the words are a sadder more honest truth it speaks to. Thank you so very much for your thoughts on this poem. I really do appreciate it.

[Lisasview]

I wanted to respond to your message by sending you a friend request but for some reason I could not??

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

I will send one to you. I'm not sure why it didn't allow you to but I'll try myself. Thank you Lisa.

[Lisasview]

You are most welcome..

[Gee]

I have every birthday and fathers day card sent to me by my daughter plus all manner of odds and sods that she had gifted me over the last 21 years. My wife also has every letter that I sent to her when we were long distance dating.
Regarding lying, a good liar must have a terrific memory otherwise they will without a shadow of a doubt trip themselves up at some point, which is why I never try to hoodwink folk.
Enjoyed the read Carlos.
Hope you are well

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you Gee for commenting on this poem. It was a bit of a cathartic write to be honest. Though I don't think it started out that way. I feel its purpose was an ambiguous one so as to leave the reader to find their own relevance in the words. Reading it over myself I began to see hidden truths within the context of this piece. At times we as artists tap deep into the defining layers of ourselves to create. Never truly recognizing how revealing the work will eventually be. I feel something was trying to tell me that I need to get my life in order. To let go of the things I have no control over. And so I try. Thank you again for your thoughts on this poem.

[Writergurl]

often at times the mind wanders off into the past, Thinking about mine is a sad one, This is wonderfully written and wonderfully expressed

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you Writergurl for sharing your thoughts on how this poem speaks to you. This poem has so many messages in it and one is exactly what you have expressed. It is a reminder of past little things that can bring both sadness or joy. Our hearts are made up of all those moments and they define who we are as a person. They are very important to us writers because that is where our inspiration for art comes from. So keep on writing and expressing to the world how you see it. Because this place is huge and there are many who see it the same as you but don't have the words like you do to express it. And they see you saying it for them.

[keith]

'Reminders of the piece of us so hidden
In the depths of our souls that we bury'
we remember ... perhaps not in opportune moment, but we remember, everything, weather we want or not, we remember
a good readable embraceable write
you did it friend

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you Keith for your kind comment. I really do appreciate it. As a fan of the art you produce your words means a lot.

[cricket]

This piece gave me a very intense image of a rusted time capsule, happiness brought by those memories and also pain because they have passed. I also saw the boxes my dad used to always keep stuffed in the back of his closet- full of old love notes worn from re-reading and folded pictures with string. Nostalgia is such a beautiful yet complicated feeling. Love it!

cricket 🦗

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you kindly Cricket for your comment on this poem. I'm so glad you can identify a bit with these words. Reading your thoughts reminded me of an uncle who used to keep things of his stashed in a closet and locked in a metal chest. I eventually was able to pick the lock with a pair of scissors. Omg I still remember the smell of old stuff that came out of it once it was opened. So gross. Thank you again for your comment I really appreciate it.

[JE Falcon]

First of all, this is an emotional poem with so many truths wrapped up in it; it hits home and that hits the heart. --- But poems making similar statements always make me wonder why we humans remember, write about, and harbor keepsakes of those things that give us lingering sadness. One might wonder why we do that.

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

I feel because in these keepsakes there are defining qualities in them that are difficult to erase from our personal history. In the comment just below I explained my own personal reason for the words in this poem, which I tried to make ambiguous so the reader may find their own resonance in it. Looking back now I feel I am the box of hidden memories. Secrets kept locked away. Letters that should perhaps never be revealed because of their destructive nature. We are in these little things which have power over our life. Or at least the power we choose to give them. My circumstances are much to familiar and common I feel. And in some ways subconsciously I wanted to speak to that I believe. We writers at times tend to be vague so that the work we produce is empathetic and relatable, as well as relative to our audience. We cringe when making it so obviously about ourselves. This small write has an enormous burdensome message that may hint to the power of little things. Why we cling to their history and in essence that hold such revealing power over us. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me on this piece, JE. It means a lot, especially from one whose art I enjoy reading.

[Cherrie Palmer]

The past is so often hid in plain sight.

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

I agree Cherrie with this statement. I have to admit I'm living proof of this if I have to be honest. My mother had an affair with a man during her marriage which resulted in my birth. Throughout my life many of my relatives treated me with a passing indifference that as a child I could feel. I was a living secret they knew but wouldn't reveal because of a sense of shame it would reflect upon the man I thought was my real father. For years I grew up feeling different and being treated so by relatives. Even being teased by my brothers as being from someone else despite them not knowing how true their words were, but I knew almost intuitively. At 19 my mother came out and finally revealed the truth to me. She was forced to do so by my grandmother, who had had enough with holding such a pernicious secret in. She new it was affecting my life and could see it in the years of mistreatment from other family members in their causual exclusion of me. For years I have had to deal with the shame of believing I was the core destruction of my family. All because of secrets. And when my mother revealed the truth I could literally see the shame in her eyes, for her words made it all about her. And nothing about the abuse I had to endure from a man who saw me as a b*****d child. It was a strange moment of enlightenment to know finally why I was mistreated so. Even though instinctively I had already sensed it. In the passing years since some relatives stated they had always wanted to tell me, almost to alleviate their burdened souls. But I know they are not honest about it. I haven't communicated with my family for close to 15 yrs now. It's for my own sanity sake. That is the power of this poem and its relevance to my life. An indictment against love and the sad consequences of errors and secrets that can destroy a life before its born. Thank you kindly for your comment on this piece of me in these words about little things with enormous influence and consequence. I appreciate it.

[Cherrie Palmer]

It's a terrible thing that adults do hiding hurts. That can never stay hidden.
You separate the pain of the child. From the man you now are. It gives you power to help others in pain.

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you Cherrie I truly appreciate this kind comment from you. I just don't want children growing up in similar circumstances believing they are unloved or inferior to others. Poetry and writing gives me that platform to speaks against these social ills. And they reflect the commonality we share as human beings regardless of the environment we lived in. My catharsis is achieved not by the substance of the shared art but those who found relevance in the words as to take them into their hearts. And change, for the better. If believe we poet's and artists are planters of little trees that we hope bloom with the fruits of aspirational kindness. The kind that can change or make a small difference in the world. And in someone's heart.

[Mauricio Montoya]

Wow conflict it's what brings division great write it makes me think you've touched my heart because what you is truth even when we want to hide.
Thank you for sharing

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you so much for your comment. You are totally right. I try to keep most of my poetry ambiguous so those who read it can decide for themselves their own meaning of what they can take from these words. There are some poems where I am more explicit about the meaning and intent of the writing. But for the most part I prefer to leave most of my writings with a bit of mystery. Because I so want the reader to identify and make the words their own. Thank you again so much for sharing your thoughts with me on this poem.