In December

An incomplete song written a few years back after listening to a lot of Nirvana and Evanescence at that time. It was a very dark song that made it difficult to finish.

In December 

By

Carlos Lorenzo Estrada 

I cut myself 

Just to feel

Alive.

Let darkness fall 

in this world 

I'll survive.

I don't know how 

I don't know when

The pain will stop,

Or ever end.

It leaves me..

It leaves me..

Feeling this way...

Broken

Scattered 

Empty

Shattered

Lonely 

Hopeless

Fearful

Useless 

Help me I'm falling faster

A shattered piece of alabaster 

Gone is my Porcelain smile

Unrequited love defiled

All these things

I can't remember 

Whenever raindrops fall

In December...

Author's Note

Thank you for taking the time to read this piece. Feel free to comment or leave your thoughts.

Reviews

[knighngale]

oh wow, that's a good one, I love the first line, you want to die, to be awake. That's a good one. To me it's to be close to God. But it is wrong dear. Then you master...LOL great read hon! :D

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

These dark lyrics to a song idea were difficult to pen. I feel it captures the emotional turmoil of youth. I struggled to release this piece because of the themes it touches upon. As a manic depressive I would never condone what these lyrics hint to in order to find a sense of peace. For me writing has always been a useful tool to quell difficult emotions. That as well as professional help or a reliable truth worthy friend to talk to. These lyrics were inspired by some of the music in the 80s and 90s. From groups like the cure, Depeche mode, joy division, Nirvana, and others. Who would influence other bands like linkin park, Evanescence, and more. In the end they have a common thread that speaks to the emotional difficulties of youth. I thought of singer Amy Lee as I was writing this. This was a bit of a rough write but it underlines the hard times of teenage angst and the thoughts that permeate a growing youthful mind. Thank you for sharing your insights on this piece.

[knighngale]

your most welcome dear, songs are always great, what do you play? Singer too? I'm sad for you, but just remember dear, it's okay, it shall too pass, don't worry about the consequence in others, just peruse, hon :S😋

[Just_a_teen_]

It's great tbh.. Specifically the part "Broken scattered empty shattered " & "Lonely Hopeless fearful useless " I just loved it! You just decorated pain! In addition to it you took the month of December & it added life to the poem! Great going!
- Just_a_teen_

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you for your comment on this piece. Alot of the music influence was early 80s and mid 90s. Just as grunge took root. Much of it a reflection of punk rock and emo music. When writing this I was a bit inspired by the voice of Amy Lee from the group Evanescence. My teenage years were back in the 80s but it never seems to change for any generation because those times are so filled with emotion. It is the height of emotional evolution in a person. Pain is intensified a thousand times, especially when it comes to the heart. I was a bit hesitant in releasing this piece because the subject matter is pretty intense and speaks to darker themes. As a manic depressive I would never condone cutting oneself or doing any other harm. But I also know in life not everyone has a support system available to them. Writing has always been my outlet during difficult times. Art has a way of easing turmoil within to better understanding of one's situation. It provides clarity. But it should also be used in tandem with professional help or a trust friend to speak with. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and respond to this work.

[Lisasview]

Such pain..such unhappiness in you poem Carlos..December appears to be you saddest month of all.
But as you say.. You will survive..
Enjoyed the read.
Lisa

[M. J. Smith]

Too many can relate. My pipes play taps for them all. Love balances depression... But there are times when pain becomes crushing. Especially when it is not returned. Raw words for a raw season. Powerful expressions, my friend.

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you M.J. for the comment on this half written song. Dark brooding lyrics like this can really seep in the head. I just couldn't finish writing the rest of the song because it felt like it was only going to end in more angst. Thank you again for the comment.

[M. J. Smith]

You are most welcome, my friend. Try this:
Pick up the pieces, Lord,
And remake me once more.

Erase the evil that that has spoken.
And use again that which is broken.

Snowflake memories are mine to keep
In the days of December's sleep.

The raindrops that fall in December
Are the years that cleanse my heart.

Just a few thoughts from a drifter. I don't know if they help. But you're welcome to them. And keep the penny! 😄

[Josephine New]

Wow, very moving. Your words remind me of my cousin. He is in pain too. I don’t have any words of wisdom, as I am only new but from writing my words of pain, it helps me to feel better. I hope it is the same for you. Happy New Year.

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you Josephine for your kind comment. Writing definitely helps me cope with my depression. I have had to cope with it as a teenager and even still now in my mid 50's. Creativity has helped me immensely in difficult times. Thank you again for your words.

[Patricia]

Dark and desperate, well written and expressed. I get that darkness in January at times, I hate January, so I get it. It’s been like this forever and I survive it every year and you will survive December. Keep writing the dark when you feel it, it’s good writing and good for the soul.

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you Patricia for your encouraging words. This half written song will probably remain so because of its dark content. I have written pretty somber stuff in the past but this particular piece was difficult. So much so that I couldn't finish it. Maybe someday if I'm ever in that mindset. Thank you again.

[Patricia]

I completely understand, I have quite a few of those songs and poems myself. It’s even harder when put to music and ya have to just put distance between you and the work sometimes and come back when the pain is not so acute. I hope you finish it someday and you’re welcome:)

[Betty Hermelee]

Sometimes one is so numb after a broken soul that one has to pinch or cut themselves to recognize the pain; that this is real and pain hurts in so many ways...and when one is in this state of mind one can't even remember what cause all of this to happen. A very strong and sorrowful piece Carlos....
Best, B

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you B for your thoughts on this piece. These song lyrics I wrote a few years back were indeed very dark. So much so it was difficult to complete the remainder of it. Because of how dark it is this half written song remains unfinished. Thank you so much again for sharing your thoughts with me on it.

[Betty Hermelee]

You’re very welcome!🙂

[Lathen Griffiths]

Your words here reflect that dark grunge era of music very well (same sort of vibe as Nirvanas’all apologies) I really like it.

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you Lathen for your comment. As a fan of the music of the grunge era your words meant the world to me. I really appreciate it. Thank you so very much.

[Tania Mo]

Nicely dark. This would be a great read for when I'm feeling the blues (which is often) You're good.

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you for your kind words. These song lyrics are really inspired by listening to Nirvana and Evanescence. Both those amazing bands have very brooding dark music. It's only about half written and incomplete because I just couldn't go back to that dark place to finish it. I wrote this almost 15 yrs back. Thank you though for your kind thoughts on it. I really appreciate it.

[Neville]

...................... seriously good in a way that might otherwise be completely misunderstood .. your ink flowed well today sir .............. Neville

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

These song lyrics really drew inspiration from Curt Cobain and also a bit from Amy Lee. Very dark brooding teenage angst feel to them. A song I couldn't complete because it was just too dark. Thank you kindly Neville for the kind comment though.