Gothic

once upon a time...

Gothic

By

Carlos Lorenzo Estrada 

Once upon a long dark time

found love in the arms of ryhme 

How could I be so deceived 

By the tangled web that lovers weave

This castle that I built for you 

Faux of smile in vicissitude

Spires lift in grey cloud day

Gargoyle statues rest in pray

Tower mortar stone in set

Upon the hills of deep regret 

Stained glass window; broken Saint

No longer shine; in faded paint

Raindrops fall upon fortress ruin

Velvet red curtains torn and strewn

Empty cradle still rocked by wind

No living child ever laid therein 

We dance within the dust dark hall

On broken glass and raven's call

In these sounds so silently sweet

No noise be heard from ghostly feet

Lattice overrun by vine

Decanters empty of their wine

A pale moon where sorrow cries 

In the bitterness of our decietful lies

Shadows drape the walls adorning 

Portrait of king and queen in mourning

What dreams shall ever come

Upon the dawning of daylight sun

Let nature devour this lifeless place 

And leave our spirits devoid of grace

This prison I have built for two

In the forlorn memories of me and you 

Author's Note

I love the word Gothic. It just conjures to mind so many dark sorrowful eldritch things. This little shadowy write hopes to capture the beauty of that word.

Reviews

[Susan 🦋]

Early Sunday morning read and OH BOY!!!... Such a sad glimpse into "what might have been." Your wording? LOVE IT! Pulling out all kinds of emotions here!.. Ya got me at, "Empty cradle still rocked by wind
No living child ever laid therein." OHH the heart strings snapping! I'm not sure I recognize this form as the syllable count varies, but I find the flow easy and consistent. The message and theme you wanted to convey in GOTHIC comes shinning through. Well done :-)

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you kindly Susan I really appreciate the comment on this piece. I tried to keep it as vague as possible alluding to things that would have the reader drawing their own conclusions. In most of my writing I strive to elicit an emotional response that resonates with the reader. I tend to be more comfortable in short story writing then poetry because I lean heavy into effusive descriptive prose than ryhme. I probably have only been happy with two poems I have written so far. Those being "Butterfly" and also "The Serpent and the Holy Man". This was an enjoyable experience because it felt like a parable more so than a poem. Thank you so much for you sweet thoughts on this write.

[Neville]

Funny innit, I love the word Gothic too ................ very noir sir .. just as it should be .................... N

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Noir is another word I have so much affection for as well. I just might write a little poem for that as well in the future. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me Neville.

[Neville]

a pleasure sir & all mine ..

[JE Falcon]

A deep, and oh so dark, foreboding journey in the castle of shadowy places. Nice work.

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you J.E. for the comment. Old dilapidated structures have always fascinated me because I always wonder what story they have to tell. We writers love our history and draw much inspiration from it for our art. This little poem can be a painted portrait all its own. When I composed it I imagined myself sitting in a grand dust and debris filled hall watching two ghosts dancing a slow waltz between beams of sunlight reflecting through the broken glass windows. Thank you again my friend.

[Lathen Griffiths]

It’s good, I’m a massive fan of gothic horror, my favourite being Oscar Wilde’s ‘ The Picture of Dorian Gray’… My mind sometimes wonders down those spooky hallways that lead to the opium dens of the EastEnd of London in the 1800’s and I can almost smell the stench of oblivion, the souls of people that blow their minds out on opium, prostitution and poverty, dark days indeed.

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Funny you should mention Dorian Gray. I recently felt like possibly doing a poem or short story re imagining that tale but making the character female. I'm intrigued by how different the story may be if the title character were a young woman instead of a man. Would her journey be any different or would she succumb to carnal vices and debauchery as well. What would her portrait in the end look like? Thank you kindly for your comment on this poem.

[Lathen Griffiths]

Mmmm? Perhaps if she survived the 1800’s she could become a suffragette and find recompense and forgiveness, hence looking lady like at the end, you may have something there ;) best wishes

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Exactly the way I was thinking Lathen. Her's may have a greater possibility of being a more empathic journey in time. One seeking to improve the world instead of a more pernicious self destructive end to their own.

[Lathen Griffiths]

Cool, take care buddy .

[Ken Simm.]

Le Danse de Tenebres this is to me and wonderful for that too.

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you Ken for your thoughts on this piece. It truly was a dark dance of a write. Weaving itself between tragedy and melancholy. A love between two ghostly royals who dance forever in a crumbling castle that's become their prison. For reasons mysteriously alluded to. In Gothic dark love is forever. Thank you again my friend for taking the time to read and comment. I truly appreciate it.

[Dave Brown]

I wish I could offer a comment that reflects the mood and composition of this excellent piece
but not being able to do even that, I am content enough just reading
Very enjoyable
Do you offer lessons?

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you Dave for your kind words my friend. This was a bit of a moody piece that in some strange prescient way spoke of how I been feeling these past couple days. The other day I took notice of a fellow writer here who has turned off her account. I was concerned because I know she wrote recently a very revealing piece and wasn't sure if it had something to do with her leaving. Maybe I'm just reading to much into the situation and she is on vacation. I truly hope she is doing well. Thank you again my friend.

[John the Baptist]

Very nicely rhymed piece here. Love can be an elevated thing, like a gothic cathedral, but when it goes bad, the memories of it can resemble an abandoned church. Here the cathedral is depicted as something that might have been seen in France in WW2. The statuary, the walls, the stained glass are all seen in states of disrepair or disarray. The description is so somber that it haunts the reader. But of course, dead relationships can be just as dispiriting.

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

That is so true. A home can so often reflect the owner's life. If it is a life in disarray one should not be surprised to find the person's home in the same situation. I wanted this castle to mirror the narrator's angst where it becomes a prison in disrepair and unloved. I'm glad you saw the symbolism attempted in this piece of poetry my friend. Thank you for your thoughts on this work John.

[Patricia]

this is a brilliant piece of poetry, I loved the flow, the gothic theme, your word choices are impeccable and the expression is heartfelt. very well done.

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you Patricia for your comment. I had fun composing this piece. It's a dark little tale of a poem but it does capture its theme well. Thank you again I appreciate it.

[Pete]

i was about to start my review by saying what a great word "gothic" is and then i read your authror's note above and you beat me to it. you've captured the whole feel of it very deeply and cleverly here. great flow, rhyme and feel. nice work ... :)

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you Pete for taking the time to comment on this poem I really appreciate it. I do like the sound of the word and how it tends to elicit thoughts and images of a particular time and feeling. I went with a spectral motif of a king telling a story of tragedy hinted at. I had a bit of fun with this one. Thank you again my friend.

[MsJewel]

I do think you captured the word Gothic. I loved the sing song type rhyme which when mixed with the darkness of your words, truly gave me a shadowy, eerie feeling. I look forward to reading more of your writing. :) Julie

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you Julie I really appreciate the kind words. This was a joy to compose and almost felt like a sequel to another poem I wrote titled the Jester. Thank you again for your comment.