Gothic

once upon a time...

Gothic

By

Carlos Lorenzo Estrada 

Once upon a long dark time

found love in the arms of ryhme 

How could I be so deceived 

By the tangled web that lovers weave

This castle that I built for you 

Faux of smile in vicissitude

Spires lift in grey cloud day

Gargoyle statues rest in pray

Tower mortar stone in set

Upon the hills of deep regret 

Stained glass window; broken Saint

No longer shine; in faded paint

Raindrops fall upon fortress ruin

Velvet red curtains torn and strewn

Empty cradle still rocked by wind

No living child ever laid therein 

We dance within the dust dark hall

On broken glass and raven's call

In these sounds so silently sweet

No noise be heard from ghostly feet

Lattice overrun by vine

Decanters empty of their wine

A pale moon where sorrow cries 

In the bitterness of our decietful lies

Shadows drape the walls adorning 

Portrait of king and queen in mourning

What dreams shall ever come

Upon the dawning of daylight sun

Let nature devour this lifeless place 

And leave our spirits devoid of grace

This prison I have built for two

In the forlorn memories of me and you 

Author's Note

I love the word Gothic. It just conjures to mind so many dark sorrowful eldritch things. This little shadowy write hopes to capture the beauty of that word.

Reviews

[Patricia Wedel]

dear Carlos… I spent many hours at the Washington Cathedral
In Washington, D.C. I climbed the Stsirs to the Top to view the Gargoyles on the outside Corners… as if their Prayers would offer Peaceful Overtures. The stained Glass Windows reflected on the Pillars inside if the Sun was Bright and Heavens Light became our Saving Grace. Your Poetry flows like a Communion of the Souls therein. Very Spiritually rendered. gently, Pat

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you so much Pat for your comment on this poem. There is very much a sense of spirituality in this mournful piece. I feel love embodies such a nature. For that most human emotion defines our greatest attribute as human beings. With love we never lose our captivation of wonder for the world in which we live and all the beautiful things therein. Even in a single sad teardrop there resonates beauty. Thank you again for sharing your words with me.

[Betty Hermelee]

This piece seems mysterious and almost ghostly by using the word Gothic... waste-less, devoid of energy; memories of this place one built are macabre ..."A pale moon where sorrow cries"; "portrait of king and queen in mourning....everything bespeaks of a sour relationship; in times gone by; "let nature devour this lifeless place"... you imagery is amazing... I can imagine this "prison" one built in my mind's eye.
Very well done my friend.
Best, B

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you B I appreciate the kind words on this piece. I did my best to keep it ambiguous and mysterious as I could. Sprinkling hints to a story within a poem to describe a decrepit castle in ruin. Which also reflects a fallen love story that fell to destruction as well. I wanted the reader to feel they were walking into the dream or nightmare of someone else. And hearing whispers in the wall hinting at its sad end. Thank you again B.

[Betty Hermelee]

You're very welcome Carlos!

[duff]

You have some killer lines that made me grin huge. Clever is the word i would use. The wording just flows and makes it fun. Great job.

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment on this poem. I wanted the feel of wandering through an old decrepit castle while hinting at its story origin. I almost wish I would have thrown in a sense of smell but I didn't want to make it longer than it needed. The visuals were good enough to keep the overall work concise. Sometimes less is better than too much. Thank you so much again for your thoughts.

[duff]

Cheers friend

[Fran Marie]

The darker side of dark poetry shines
through in this gothic rhyme piece
of poetry..this poem absolutely
defines the word gothic..love a dark
poem done in rhyme ..wonderfully
penned with cadence spot on

Nice Work!!

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you Fran for your comment on this piece. It was a fun little write inspired by one of the great writers, Mary Shelley. Whose great masterpiece will never be forgotten.

[shadrach hah]

Hi Carlos, this is such a wonderfully inspired write. I have a love for the Gothic. You have captured it so well in this atmospheric write. Your descriptive lines take us on a journey through the dark and sorrowful thoughts. This is an outstanding piece. Have a wonderful evening....Mike.

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you my friend I truly appreciate the kind comment. There are times when the stories or poems we write are a struggle. Then there are times they flow like an aged fine bottle of wine. This poem pretty much wrote itself and was inspired by a single word and writer, Mary Shelley. Thank you again Mike.

[Vertigo Cat1111]

The word gothic is one of my favorites too- it could lead to so many beautiful, darker things and you captured that perfectly here! The atmosphere is amazing, descriptive and even medieval, which adds such a rainy, old flair to this piece. This was one of those poems that you were sad when they ended. Since writing poetry I’ve realized just how well it can capture a feeling or a memory you could never get out before, and this poem feels exactly ‘gothic’. Thank you for sharing!

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you Colacat for sharing your thoughts on this poem. Gothic much like Noir is such an atmospheric word that conjures up images related specifically to its meaning. Both of them are such beautiful words. I thought of the great writer Mary Shelley as I composed this piece. Women writers and poets are almost never given the same and equal respect as their counterparts. Many of my fellow writers here at the Cafe whose work I admire are women. They write with a passion and emotive style that as a reader draws me in. Their writings reflect a way I had grown up learning this art form by my grandmother. She never wrote anything in her life because at best she had a 3rd grade education, but she could tell a story with the best of them. She made me feel the words on an emotional level. And because of that I wanted to write. The main inspiration for writing is to pay homage to the greatest story teller the world never knew, my grandmother. She is in every single word I write.

[Chris Shaw]

You have captured all that is gothic in this dark, atmospheric write Carlos. The mourning King and Queen in their sombre castle, devoid of the pitter, patter of tiny feet. Wonderfully descriptive. Poe would be proud. All the best dear poet.

Chris

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you Chris for your kind thoughts on this poem. Poe truly was an exceptional gifted artist and a favorite of mine. I do have to say one of the most under appreciated writers who was no less gifted is Mary Shelley. Her gothic masterpiece stands the test of time and is comparable to any of the other writers of her era and beyond. It is a shame that female writers do not get the accolades they so deservedly have earned. This was my homage to her sublime talent and art. Thank you so much Chris I so appreciate it. As a fan of your work it truly means a lot.

[Relic]

This is such a great poem. The word is one that captured my attention right away. I like the form combined with your sad tale.

100/100.

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you Relic for this nice comment on this piece. It really means a lot especially as a fan of your art. There are so many talented writers in the community who are not only prolific but also encouraging as well. I count you among those many artists my friend. Thank you again.

[Relic]

Thank you, You're quite welcome.

[Sami Khalil]

This is an amazing work.of art. I love the word Gothic too and gothic works including architecture, Carlos. Your works elicit emotions and enlists fans upon fans. So many beautiful lines to quote. You must be in that mood lately. I'm in the mood for sonnets lately. Hence, I write as you do and as we feel.

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you Sami for the kind comment. You are not wrong my friend usually on overcast days I tend to get in a brooding mood. And for some reason the dull tone of cloudy days often remind me of old decrepit run down castles. Thus this poem being birthed on such a dreary day. Though I must admit it was fun to write. Thank you again my friend.

[Sami Khalil]

I totally understand. It happens to me too. It is all.natural. much enjoyed my friend. I love old castles.

[Zach Adams]

I love this. The imagery perfectly suits the title and really makes the reader feel the pain of the narrator. Great job!

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you kindly Zach I really appreciate it. My writing style tends to put the emphasis on emotional investment. I strive to make things relatable so that the reader can empathize with the work. It was something my high school teacher back in the 80s always preached. Thank you again for your kind thoughts on this piece.