Linger...

Just some words

Linger...

By

Carlos Lorenzo Estrada 

I don't hear the cries anymore 

What lingers are ghost sound

White noise; in a dark room

In the box of my morose

I don't see smiles trapped on faces

Placid skin taut on contour frame

The detritus beneath my fingernails 

I work to bleed these things of me

I shun all those that I love

They bring me little comfort 

I breathe as if I'm falling 

Manic palpatating breaths

Residual in remnant despair 

Isolation soothes my apathy

Fear hollows my sleep

Eyelids heavy unclosed

There's a stone I carry

Where my heart would be 

Oppressive and stifling

My will to concede 

Will the sun find me cold

Or warm again, tomorrow 

Author's Note

I once had someone ask me to describe the emotional turmoil of depression. I couldn't find the words and still can't. It simply haunts me. Also, word of advice. Sylvia Plath was a very wonderful writer but I would suggest reading her poetry only if you are in the right mindset. Maybe view a Bob Ross painting first to find your zen before partaking in her art in words. Don't do as I did reading her poems at 3 A.M with the lights turned off in a dark room while sipping on a dr pepper. If it had gotten any darker I would have had to turn on my SpongeBob nightlight. Dee-pressing.

Reviews

[.]

"I breathe as if I am falling"...that is such a strong line to describe a certain state of mind!Yes, depression is a hollow state of mind that can engulf a total existence.But trying to find the solution elsewhere only make the situation worse...actually we underestimate our own strength of mind...if we try and try to find that strength then ,I think, we will find the best solution....

Nice thought provoking write ...

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you dreamer sima on your thoughts about this poem. What you say is so true and spot on. I have lived with depression all my life and I refuse to be medicated and numbed for the rest of my life. I won't accept addiction as a cure for deep profound sorrow. Both are no way to live. Creativity has helped me immensely in regulating and monitoring my mental health issues. Writing especially has been the most helpful. Is it a cure? No because these malady of the mind are something someone has to live with for the rest of their lives. Utilizing one's inner strength goes a very long way in better dealing with these diseases. Though I also feel for those who suffer most severely medications can be the best last resort. I myself find it difficult to resort to drugs because addiction runs in my family. Thank you so much my friend for your kind thoughts on this poem.

[lightsong]

for me, what's the magnificence here are some of the lines, expressions, and words, they were chosen really carefully... only someone who was there or have the ability to feel what it feels can pen these phrases. the title effective enough, it moves one's heart with deep sadness and despair. You are varied, one time writing seriously, another with humor... but what I am so sure of that You have a talent of feeling the feelings.

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you lightsong for your thoughts on this poem. You are absolutely correct in your assessment. I suffer from manic depression and have for most of my life. It's a malady I would never wish on anyone. Every line of this poem I have lived feeling. Because of my depression I have had to suffer through a mental breakdown and also suicide attempt early in my life. This is a very pernicious disease that requires constant attention because things in behavior can change so rapidly and deteriorate. It is also a very lonely disease as well because of its effects on the mind and its thinking. I refuse medication for it because addiction runs rampant in my family background. I find writing and anything of a creative nature helps control this ailment most of the time. I feel a profound sadness for those that suffer through mental health issues because of the stigmas associated with it. These diseases of the mind are not something someone can just easy get over. They have to constantly regulate and monitor their behavior for the rest of their lives unfortunately. Thank you again my friend for your kind words on this poem.

[Ama]

"I shun all those that I love, they bring me little comfort" I used to be a one who ignored many things that made me happy. the days I used to surrender to overthinking and ignoring all the little joys I had. I felt my old self as I read this poem, maybe a part of her is still with me. Wonderful wordplay with expressions.

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you Ama for sharing your thoughts on this poem. One of the worst things about having a severe case of depression is the Isolation one suffers through pushing away those loved ones wanting to help because you feel they don't understand what you are going through. The more they try to give advice like to just get over it the more it angers you because it feels like they don't really care because if they did they would be more understanding. Depression is a very lonely malady to have to deal with and so very cruel as well. Because it takes everything that you love away from you even the joys you may have had. It truly is like being trapped in a box cold and filled with darkness. Thank you so much again for your comment.

[Ama]

I understand. it really does feel lonely and trapped as if there is no escape when everybody else try to force you and say snap out of it. after some time I found myself accepting the fact that I
don't need anybody accepting myself as long as I got my own back. maybe I have gotten a bit self obsessed now haha.. because I no longer feel to be understood whenever I see my friends and family instead I see them as other humans just like myself. they have their own demons they fight with and I have my own.
You are very welcome

[Fran Marie]

Depression can hit anyone
at anytime..doing mathematics
over and over is good therapy
sounds silly but it works .that
and medication ..at least for
mild cases of depression..a
deep write here Carlos I can
feel the desperation to climb
out of depression tight grasp

Well done

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you kindly Fran for your comment on this poem. It really is an awful disease to suffer through. I shun medication because addiction runs throughout my family so I have done other things to alleviate the darkness. Writing I have found to be a very useful tool in my therapy. Or anything creative like drawing or playing guitar. It lessens that heavy weight I feel inside myself. After hearing you mention mathematics I might lok into that though I must admit I'm horrible at math. Maybe I'll give sudoku a try. Thank you again for your thoughts on this poem. I really appreciate it.

[Fran Marie]

I love doing sudoku also
you're so welcome dear poet

[Pryde Foltz]

The detritus beneath my fingernails
I work to bleed these things of me

A very strong write. You really dug deep with it. Some wonderful phrasing and imaging.

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this piece. I have dealt with depression all my life and now in my mid 50's it feels like an old unwelcome friend I have learned to tolerate. It's left scars but I'm strong enough to not let it consume me. I've had my good days and bad days but in the end those days are mine to own. Thank you kindly for your comment on this poem.

[Pryde Foltz]

Sorry to hear that but heartened that you are dealing well.

[Chris Shaw]

There's a stone I carry
Where my heart would be

Those lines sum up perfectly for me the full weight of depression. Hanging heavy, lingering, no reprieve and no light.

Well done Carlos. An excellent write. Perfectly conveyed.

Chris

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you so much Chris for your comment. All my life I have had to deal with depression and am myself a survivor of suicide. It is not always easy to convey the depths of darkness that define this disease. It's like suffocating and slowly drowning in the middle of the ocean all alone in a storm of torrential rain. Knowing that no one can save you from it and angry at yourself for being so weak to stop it. It truly stifles the will to move forward in life. After reading some of the amazing poetry of Sylvia Plath I felt a bit of a kinship with her because she truly understood the dark aspects of ourselves. Though truth be told I had to balance it out right after with some cheerful poetry. Thank you so much again for your comment on this poem. I truly appreciate it.

[R.J Calzonetti (Siniste..]

You really outdid yourself. This might be my new favourite work of yours. Depression is something I've dealt with for about a decade. I think you expose the reader to some understanding of what it's like throughout artistically. Thank you for sharing. You also gave me a new person to read.

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you RJ for your comment on this poem. I have written some pretty stark things that touch on very mature subjects but after reading some of Sylvia Plath poetry I can honestly say she truly wrote from very deep dark depths within. One can gain incredible insight from reading her poetry on writing from despair and depression. Her work can be jarring and at times an acquired taste. But it truly reflects a soul that was influenced by its demons and sadness. Honestly I kind of felt a kinship because I have suffered from depression most of my life. And her art really spoke of that aspect within mired in angst and sadness. Eventually she would be consumed by that darkness in the end which is truly sad. Thank you for your comment again my friend.