Unrequited

My second attempt at the difficult art of sonnet. I have to confess despite its rule scheme requirements there is a unique beauty to them.

Unrequited 

By

Carlos Lorenzo Estrada 

Oh, Death, you are like a heart of barbed wire.

I'm fascinated, smitten by desire.

The haunted ghosts of my troublesome soul

Whisper of your hallowed indifferent glow

Oh, Life, joyous in yearning hopes aspired

Defined in seconds, minutes, days acquired

I reminisce in smiles and teardrops

Pink cotton candy and red lollipops 

Dualistic lovers we come to see

Professed devotion in their company 

One standing in shades of darkest silence 

One singing joyful in blissed reverence 

Destined to experience both in time

One is forever; the other sublime 

Author's Note

My second attempt at sonnet though it may still fall short of the iambic scheme it was fun to write. I enjoy the challenge because it allows for growth on this writing journey. So I say to those hesitant to try I implore you to give it a go. Even in failure beautiful art can thrive from it. Thank you all and feel free to leave your thoughts my friends.

Reviews

[A.E. Surdam]

This was beautiful a read. I have had many unrequited loves in my past, and the line, "I reminisce in smiles and teardrops," was something I have done many times in my life. I wish I could eventually find someone to share my life with, but unfortunately, my tragic love life has only been occupied with unrequited ones. Wonderful poem. I quite enjoyed reading your art.

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you A.E for your kind words. If there is anything I have learned about love in my middle age is that it simply happens while living. Whether it's a good or bad kind of love is another subject haha. But I on a personal level have given up on any search because if it happens it happens. Love should compliment the heart and never be the entire focus of it. We miss out on beautiful things if we spend too much time dwelling on those we don't have. Yes at times there may be a sense of something missing or loneliness but there are other things to love which one can find a passion and fulfillment from. Love is in the moments you choose to make unforgettable. And love always finds a way to find you.

[A.E. Surdam]

You are correct. I get so worked up on rushing and finding the one that I forget what is important. Social media is a big factor in this. Everyone I know and see is getting married, engaged, and having kids, while I have done none of those things. I agree with waiting and reflecting. If someone decides they like me, they like me. I suppose I should not keep pinning away on others who dislike me. I have learned to move on when I realize it simply will never work. Your words are once again inspiring, and I have learned more than I can have ever imagined. Thank you.

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Social media is such a scourge on our society it just can bring out the worst qualities in people. Especially when trying to define expectations that are so unrealistic. You don't need a man to define you. You're perfect the way you are. No guy is going to make you any better then you already are. Relationships compliment and support. Only the individual can change themselves because it's their own personal choice. I made the mistake of trying to change myself for the benefit of others and it never worked out well. As cliché as it sounds if someone truly loves you they do so warts and all, just as you are. Just like how Billy Joel sang in his classic "Just the way you are". So you do you A.E. and don't sweat the petty stuff. Also, get to writing you have better things to do then to listen to an old writer ramble on. You have art to make. We are waiting for more of your wonderful work.

[A.E. Surdam]

My mother told me inspiring words when she was alive: He's just a man. I never truly understood her until of late. I have to better myself before I try I jump headfirst into a relationship. I may never be in one either, and that's okay, too. Again, thank you for your inspiration and advice. I will get to my writing and focus on creating art. Thank you again, Carlos.

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

You are very welcome and your mom sounds like she was an amazing woman. The apple doesn't fall to far from the tree.

[Pete]

great word that, "unrequited" - says a boatload. we've probably felt as such at one time or another. made me feel suspiciously unappreciated. such feeling does not pass quickly or easily. well done ... :)

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you, Pete, for leaving your thoughts on this poem. I feel one of the arts of writing which some may take for granted is naming the work. You have such a short amount of words to capture a prospective readers attention so that it will draw them toward reading your art. There are times I have spent longer naming a poem then writing it. And there are times when I've felt the actual title was better then the work itself, because of the amount of time it took naming it. Haha. Thank you again my friend.

[augustus]

Without doubt you have a way with words that enhance the imagination of the reader. I've enjoyed every word! Thank you Carlos!

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you, Augustus, for leaving your thoughts on this poem. This type of poetry is very different from what I usually write, and I'm still not used to the restrictions that sonnets have in their creations. I tend to lean more toward a freestyle or common type of poetry. But this definitely is a challenge and it's always good to try new things especially if it's out of your comfort zone. Thank u ou so much again for leaving your thoughts. I really appreciate it.

[Seriana]

Great second attempt Carlos! Starts out very smooth and easy breezy. Duality throughout! Now you've got me counting syllables again. Ha! The ending came abruptly, even though I knew. Nicely done. Thanks for sharing your words!

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you Seriana for leaving your thoughts on this poem. I have always had a fascination with duality and its concept. When this popped up I felt the flow between life and death as it started to flush itself out. I find myself now counting syllables as well which I despise because it detracts from the art flow to be honest. I understand the concept behind it I just find it a bit outdated and restrictive to be honest. Perhaps I'm more a modernist then a purist. I'm slowly improving on sonnets but I think my heart is in a free form format. Thank you so uch for the kind words an encouragement.

[Chris Shaw]

Very nicely penned sonnet Carlos. Second couplet conveys so well that feeling of unrequited love. Indifferent just sums it up perfectly. I feel sure most of us have experienced that sort of emotion at some point during our lives. Not easily forgotten is it?

Chris

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you Chris for leaving your thoughts on the poem I truly appreciate it so much.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

4th line I think you meant "whisper"---
But a well-done sonnet, with a nice gentle rhyme scheme and some slant rhyme mixed in.
I am not a form guy, but this doesn't hit the reader over the head with it...it sneaks up on us.
nicely done.
j.

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you, Jacob, for your thoughts and also keen helpful eye. You're right it should be whisper. I was hoping for a subtle nuance approach since my previous works were more flowery and over the top. I really wanted the ending to hit though because the last two lines were the first written in this piece. I really appreciate your writer's eyes on this because we often miss small details no matter how much time we self edit. So thank you so very much my friend for your thoughts and help.